ADMIN UPDATE: First 100 Days

This is the make or break time for Obama. The success of his entire presidency has been realized in these first 100 days. FDR, Reagan, all of the successful presidents wrapped things up during this time. To see how he’s doing during this crucial time, this new PMW poll measures public approval of Obama.

He has secured his place as a great president: 5%

It’s really early, but he’s done fine so far I guess: 70%

He’s destroying the country/I’m watching Glenn Beck: 12%

I can’t comment, I’m eating a tofu scramble: 5%

I can’t comment, I’m at a Ron Paul convention: 3%

LOL, everyone is talking about tea bagging: 5%

Thanks for reading, everyone. The PMW Staff is busy with their day jobs (or looking for day jobs), so you may hear less and less from us. Unless, of course, things get really bad, because unemployed people always have time to blog!!! Good luck to you all. Hopefully the next 100 days are better for everyone than the last 100 days.

Cheers

PMW Staff

GAYS ROB SOME CALI CHICK OF CROWN!

Miss California, Carrie Prejean, has complained that she came in #2 and not #1 in the Miss USA pageant because when pageant judge Perez Hilton (Gay-FL) asked her if she thought gays should be able to marry, she said no. She now feels that political correctness (well-known enemy of PMW) has robbed her of her crown. And by the transitive property, gay people have robbed her of that crown. But she says she feels like a winner (and that is totally not a lame thing to say). So why does she deserve this? Let me count the ways. Now I didn’t watch the pageant, because…pageants are dumb, but here goes…

1. It is a beauty pageant. Did it never occur to you that, at an event so fabulous, gay people might be there? Yes, I know, you talk to men, and they usually don’t listen. Fair point. But the gay people, I’m guessing, were listening. Just a hunch. I’m not going to perpetuate the beauty queen stereotype by calling you stupid, but you are pretty much doing the work for me.
2. What the hell kind of name is Prejean? (Kind of sounds like Prejudge). How do you even say that? Is that French? Oh, I’m sorry, am I being intolerant? How insensitive of me.
3. "I see where he was coming from and I see the audience would've wanted me to be more politically correct, but I was raised in a way that you can never compromise your beliefs and your opinions for anything." Actually, that’s respectable and honorable. You should always stand up for what you believe. Moreover, you’re fighting for what you believe is right, showing virtue and devotion that would make Rod Blagojevich proud. You keep fighting the good fight and one day you’ll be able to say you delayed the acceptance of gays a little longer. I know it’s hard only being considered the second most beautiful girl in America, but hang in there, kiddo, you’ll be fine. And when you get divorced in...probably 5-10 years, you can try to blame the gays for that, too.

Walker Texas President???

On March 9, 2009, Chuck Norris blogged

“On Glenn Beck's radio show last week, I quipped in response to our wayward federal government, ‘I may run for president of Texas.’

That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.

From the East Coast to the "Left Coast," America seems to be moving further and further from its founders' vision and government.”

I sincerely hope this speech was intended for the Bush administration, but somehow got delayed. Norris proceeds to quote the founding fathers in attempts to paint Obama’s stimulus plan and then hints that a second American revolution should be considered.

“I'm not saying that other states won't muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it. As most know, Texas was its own country before it joined the Union as its 28th state. From 1836 to 1846, Texas was its own Republic.”

This is a serious problem. Chuck Norris, as everyone knows, is a black belt. He’s Walker Texas Ranger! That wasn’t trick photography. He’s a badass. He kicks people’s asses just for fun. You can’t mess with this man. He could certainly kick my ass.

To stop Obama from turning America into a defenseless Commie Share Camp, Chuck Norris will command an entire army and they will rise against the forces of…bailouts or taxes or something. They’re all buying guns, too, at record rates. They think Obama will ban all guns, apparently. Norris and his army will start a revolution and he will take back his country. NO ONE CAN STOP THIS MAN! NOT A SINGLE HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET! Except…

This man is our only hope. We’ll have to pardon him from his torture charges (isn’t that what’s happening on the show? After years of awesomeness, I finally lost interest). The scary part is the way this has already occurred in internet lore. I thought those Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris webpages were just hilarious nonsense. Apparently, they predicted the next great battle of our time. It will not be Obama v. Palin or Santelli v. Stewart or Wolverine v. Sabertooth, NO!

Get me Jack Bauer! Get his ass over here, now. It’s time to plan for war. One American hero against another. But give him a ride, please, just in case. The man has a drinking problem and he doesn’t need a third strike on his record.