Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays: Battle to the Death

First of all, I must point out how weird Christmas is as a “religious” holiday, as Laura Miller points out. It’s kind of ubiquitous in America, because of both our Christian majority and the fact that even some atheists celebrate it, so it’s a strange issue. Also, in the interests of full disclosure, I celebrate Christmas, so maybe I’m biased, but whatever. There is a battle raging between the PC Left and the Traditionalist Right about how to appropriately wish people well during, uh, these upcoming days of December. There are two schools of thought on the issue:

MERRY CHRISTMAS: Some people may view this phrase as politically incorrect, but it’s one of the nicest phrases in the English language. Even if you are not celebrating on December 25th, I still hope your day is…merry. What’s wrong with that? I can’t say Happy Holidays with a straight face. A faceless corporation can wish a multi-cultural audience Happy Holidays, but from one individual to another, it feels like an empty slogan. Also, even if you want to be PC, call a spade a spade. Anyone putting up Christmas trees, etc. and calling them “Holiday Trees” is just dumb and that simply insults people on both sides of the debate.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS: On the other hand, there is no War on Christmas (sorry, Bill O’Reilly). It’s more like a forgettable skirmish that doesn’t deserve news coverage, despite what Christmas activists may tell you. And they need to shut up, because, seriously, the only thing worse than hearing a group whine about something is hearing a majority group whine about something. Christianity is the dominant religion in this country. Can’t Christmas activists be satisfied with that? Come on! Furthermore, while I personally do not wish people Happy Holidays (unless I know they prefer that phrase), referring to Christmas and New Years as “the holidays” is perfectly reasonable, since…you know, when you have one holiday plus one more holiday, you have (drum roll please)…HOLIDAYS. This bothers many of the anti-PC right wingers, but it’s their fault all the PC-niks came out of the woodwork in the first place.

VERDICT: IT DOESN’T MATTER! You say potato, I say potato. (Wow, not only does that joke not work in print, but I initially typed “potatoe,” after years of mocking Dan Quayle). So I wish the PMW Nation Merry Holidays, Christmas and otherwise. I hope you enjoy yourselves and avoid this pointless, Yule-tide dilemma.

Blago Mistako and the Obama Revolution

PMW has now developed the ability to predict the future. We can now project that Gov. Rod Blagoya-whatever (D-Most Corrupt Place Ever), will be arrested. To your left, you can see his FBI MUG SHOT. Blago decided to auction off Obama’s vacant Senate seat and he got caught. He will serve time in prison (hopefully).

What an idiot! This is your classic stupid criminal. Mayor Richard M. Daley, (D-Most Corrupt Place Ever) has done so much worse shit, but he’s way too smart to get caught (sadly!). The Dick-tator of Chi-town is probably laughing his off at Blago right now. I don’t know what Blago was thinking. I guess he thought he could hide behind all that hair.

But the corruption won’t stop there. PMW predicts that Obama will set off a terrible Liberal Revolution. The world will descend into a moral cesspool. I can’t describe it conventionally. I can only share it with you in the form of the next book published by A. A. Milne (cliffnotes version):


Winnie the Pooh and The Obama Revolution


NO ROO: First of all, don’t expect to see the cutest member of the Hundred Acre Wood because, in this story, KANGA HAD AN ABORTION! Abortions for everyone under Obama!

POOH AND PIGLET ARE GAY MARRIED: Yes, more like Winnie the Poof. Not that either of them were very butch to begin with, but now both of them are gayin’ up Pooh Corner. Marriages everywhere are falling apart because of their sinful and deeds.













TIGGER IS SOLICITING PROSTITUTION: This always rebellious creature has reached new lows. He’s roaming the Hundred Acre Wood yelling obscene things to the ladies like: “Hey babe, want to join the Hundred Acre Club?” “Once you’ve had Tigger, you’ll never have bigger.” “Check out MY Hundred Acre Wood!” Disgusting! But he never gets busted, because Obama has legalized prostitution.

EEYORE IS ON WELFARE: This donkey lounges lazily outside all day and always complains about how hard his life is. Get a job, you ass! Despite years of Donkey Affirmative Action, he has squandered every opportunity in his life and lives off Obama’s handouts.

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN IS A DRUNK: Obama lowers the drinking age to 6 and Christopher Robin hasn’t been sober since.

RABBIT AND OWL ARE MISERABLE: They are the only responsible, morally sound members of the community and everyone takes advantage of them.

THE END

***P.S. Did you see that still-president Bush was attacked by Random Task from the Austin Powers movies?

Happy Thanksgiving from Political Mouthwash!

Greetings PMW Nation

We're all very tired from covering the election, very busy with our day jobs (or school or whatever it is that we do, be it acting or testing assault weapons), so no posts for awhile, probably through the holidays. But have a great Thanksgiving and eat a lot. And be sure to make this Thanksgiving PORK FREE. Eat turkey with no earmarks. (Wow, I guess I need a break to let my creativity come back to me...)

Cheers

The Waco Kid and PMW Staff

THE HOPE CABINET: What will change mean?

In the aftermath of the election, the big scoop in the MSM has been (aside from how the GOP will regroup) Obama’s cabinet. Rahm Emmanuel will be his Chief of Staff, which means (in case you don’t watch The West Wing) that he will run the office and just kind of…you know (why don’t you watch The West Wing???). Now, Hillary is getting lots of buzz for Secretary of State (Way to shatter that glass ceiling by becoming a secretary!!!) Obviously, PMW has been critical of Hillary, but this is different. Today, Obama announced Eric Holder will be his Attorney General and this is the direction the country needs to go in. This is the change we need!

We must have a Mustachioed Cabinet.

Eric Holder, Attorney General

Bill Richardson, Secretary of State

David Axelrod, Deputy Chief of Staff

Paul Krugman, Secretary of the Treasury (You’re off probation, buddy. I ain’t mad at ya!)

Hillary, if think you're up to being Secretary of State, you better step up!

***UPDATE

Obama has picked a clean-shaven Secretary of the Treasury, but he has picked Bill Richardson for Commerce (not State). Axelrod was made "Senior Advisor." Hillary accepted an offer for Secretary of State, but photos suggest she did NOT grow a mustache. Oh well...

Mr. Obama’s Neighborhood: Never Go There

Soon, President-Elect Obama will be moving to Washington D.C. and good for him because Hyde Park is a terrible place. Take it from me, another escapee of Hyde Park, the only thing nicer the scenery is when you get to leave. It’s a weird, stupid place that’s hard get to and even harder to leave. It’s not really a terrible place in and of itself, but it’s kind of boring, it’s far away from any cool neighborhoods and it's surrounded by neighborhoods which are sketchy or worse. Here is a map of Hyde Park showing where the crime spills into it (Waco nearly got mugged just west of Obama's house).

However, what this shows is that President Obama will have serious firsthand experience with poverty and crime and he will hopefully have a better idea of what communities need to rebuild (these areas were actually normal and even vibrant 10 years ago). It’s the Change Hyde Park Residents Need (to survive). So, let’s hope for the best. Few places need help more than the South Side.

Speaking of things which should be left alone, leave Sarah Palin alone! I hate to be the one to defend her, but good Lord! She’s not going to be president for at least four years and probably longer (or never, fingers crossed). Stop bothering her. She lost, she sucked, so who cares now? This is unfair to Sarah, Todd, Crisco, Trek, Snausage, and especially the newest Palin, Maverino.

Admin Update XIII: The Future of PMW

Greetings PMW Readers

We congratulate Barack Obama on his presidential victory. PMW had supported him since the primaries and Goofers endorsed him in our very first post (although Ron Paul would have made our jobs much easier). Anyway, onto the business of the day. We welcome the triumphant return (it’s for real this time) of our Executive Director and Editor-in-Chief Goofers McWaxalot. He has been plotting and scheming about the future of this fine blog (when he has a free minute). Nothing is set in stone, but I have heard about merchandising, a possible move to www.politicalmouthwash.com, and some level of expansion.

As we speak, our Senior Editor, The Waco Kid, is recruiting new staff members to write for us. Once again, any readers interested should submit guest posts. You may be given a regular job. We can’t pay you (YET), but it’s fun. And when we make it big, you may get paid and you’ll definitely have street cred (if not in the real world, at least here in the tubes.

Already, we have added a new member to the team. We welcome our new Associate Editor, Lance Murdock, to the PMW Staff. We expect he’ll bring lots of wit and wisdom to the table. And of course, thanks to all our awesome readers and commenters.

Cheers

PMW Staff

GUEST POST: The Least Popular Kid in the Class

Well it is official. The good men and women of America have officially decided that President Bush is the least popular president in the history of recording popularity. His disapproval rating has just topped 70%. To give you some perspective on just how unpopular this is, Richard Nixon after resigning the office of the presidency after Watergate had a disapproval rating of 66%. Harry Truman in January of 52 managed to hold the record for over fifty years at 67%. This means that people dislike Bush more then they were pissed about Vietnam in the 60’s, Hoover in the Great Depression, and again Nixon after he said that he STOLE the taxpayers money and lied to get into office.

There is an old saying that no one likes the smartest kid in the class. At least the smart kid is smart enough not to become the least popular kid in the class. While I am not ready to declare that the era of stupid politicians is over, I take some small amount of solace in the fact that we are getting there. The American people are weighing in that they want someone who knows that Africa is a continent and not a country in office. They want someone can bring respect back to the presidency. They want the office to mean something not just to them but to the rest of the world as well. They want to open the newspaper or watch The Daily Show and not see the leader of the free world dancing around like a buffoon or struggling to get through a complete sentence. They are sick of the president opening his mouth to reassure the American people that the economy is strong and then seeing the Dow drop hundreds of points. But mostly, they are just sick of believing that the government is unable to do anything at all to affect their lives for the better.

For the first time since WWII, people are saying that they actually want bigger government and believe that the government should help them with their lives. Well to those people I say this: “Help is on the way.” Obama has already inspired millions of people here and billions around the world that help is coming soon to a country near you January 20th. No longer do we have to live with the fear and frustration that our government can only be used as an instrument of apathy and talk. Action is not far behind and action converts hope into success. I look forward to the day where I can write a post saying that President Obama has broken the record for having the highest approval rating in history. In the meantime, I will take pleasure in the hope I have for this country and the world in times to come.

That is all.

-Lance Murdock