Sorry I’ve been posting so rarely. My life has been really busy, now that I have a day job. Also, I’ve felt mostly humorless about politics lately. So here is a list of recent stuff that bothered me in this foul year of our lord 2009 that I hope changes (Please Obama, give us that change you promised right now!). In the spirit of PMW’s Contract for America, designed by Goofers, I submit to you, Resolutions for America in 2010.
Stop hoping or expecting the most successful athletes/actors/politicians will be the most moral citizens. You don’t rise to the top by being the nicest. You do it by being confident and driven, boldly pursuing what you want, and not taking “no” for an answer. Those are not the characteristics of saints and family man. If anything, we should view famous people as MORE likely to cheat. You don’t have to be HAPPY Tiger cheated, but at the very least, don’t be SURPRISED or HURT. He did not cheat on the public. It’s not our business if he cheats, unless it’s on the golf course (or unless he bangs another woman on the golf course during a tournament). In 2010, expect more Charlie Sheen and less Tom Hanks.
Stop acting like there was an obvious course of action in Afghanistan. (Yeah, I took a shot at Goofers. It happens sometimes) Obama had to decide among a set of less terrible options. I have no idea if he’s doing the right thing and anyone who is sure either way frightens me. This surge could easily turn into Vietnam Part II, but leaving could increase the chances of an Af-Pak Nuclear Free-For-All. Obama is walking a fine line and it may turn out that he’s doing brilliantly. He may also be trying too hard to please everyone and may end up failing miserably and incurring everyone's wrath. Is this 8 years overdue or 8 years too late? In 2010, we may find out.
Stop acting like Mike Huckabee is on the hook for the murder of those Tacoma cops. This went down in my state, so it definitely matters to me. There are many people partly to blame, and Huck is one of them, but he pardoned a teenager sent to jail for approximately 100 years for armed robbery. If you think that was a fair punishment, you’re insane. However, I will enjoy watching to see what far-right stance Huck will soon take to try to win back the conservative base. In 2010, Huck-Haters need to find legit reasons to attack Huck, or at least make fun of him getting fat again.
Stop making hopelessly inconsistent arguments. Republican leaders say Obama/Pelosi/Reid never worked in the private sector, so they can't run the economy well. So...I’ll be expecting resignations in 2010 from those of them who have not served in the military, since they can't keep us safe, as well as resignations from those who haven't worked in the non-profit sector, since they can't solve our social problems. In 2010, I don’t expect politicians to change, but I hope the public will tire of their bullshit.
Stop letting the GOP bully you, Democrats. Stand up for yourselves. The GOP is using the filibuster in historically unprecedented ways. It was always used relatively rarely, then the Democrats used it to stop many of Bush’s judges, and now the GOP uses it to stop any bill they dislike. Basically, the Democrats now need 60 votes to pass anything (the GOP needs fewer votes because the Dems are cowards). While some delight in this cautious approach to governance, it means that nothing ever happens in congress (and my jokes about Democratic cowardice are getting stale, so it also deprives me of new material). If a party scores huge victories in elections, they should be allowed to govern, and then if the public disapproves of their governance, they should vote them out next time. It doesn't matter which party is in power. The public deserves the government they put in power, even if you think it’s bad. I say, bust out the nukes! Nuclear Option! Kill the filibuster! In 2010, the Democrats should pass the Harkin Plan or something like it.
Stop acting like the world is ending. You don’t need to hoard gold or guns. We’re gonna make it. In 2010, things will get better. Trust me.
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