T.E.A. Party like it’s 1799

Thursday was Tax Day, the day when we are all TEA partiers. But Friday I went back to thinking the tea partiers are crazy. Why?

They are the hippies of our time, except they are Right Wing hippies.

They are a Silent Majority that is neither silent nor a majority.

It stands for Taxed Enough Already. They must have come here in a DeLorean.

Back in the good ol' days, Ronald Reagan would never have raised taxes, right?

If taxes are too high for you here, move to a country with lower taxes. For lower personal and corporate taxes, your choices are Iceland, Australia, Ireland, New Zealand, Mexico, Korea, or a third-world country. I’m guessing you want to avoid learning a new language and you’re looking for somewhere sunny like Cost Rica, that narrows it down to Australia. Bon voyage, mate!

These people believe health care reform that lacks even a Public Option is a “government takeover.” If they have a problem with it, they should move with Rush Limbaugh to Costa Rica, where they can see what a government takeover of health care really looks like.

These people decided to show their concern about sky-rocketing spending and deficits after George W. Bush left office. Probably because the new president happens to be a Democrat, or maybe because he is black or has a funny name like Barack Obama, but for some reason, they suddenly decided their country was falling apart. I never thought I’d say this, but give Lou Dobbs credit. He was harassing Bush on these issues as well, so at least he is consistent.

Why don’t you write a letter to the editor stating exactly why Obama’s policies will be ineffective, rather than drawing Hitler mustaches on him or praying that the Ghost of Reagan will smite him?

It’s fine to criticize the president. I could write an entire post about things he has done wrong (I just haven't thought of a way to make it funny, and my posts have been humorless enough lately). But you have two choices, Tea Party.

Option A: Stop being ridiculously nostalgic about the past. The time’s they are a-changin’ so too bad. Whether you’re upset that the president has a funny name, or that he’s black, or simply that he’s changing things, get over it. 53% of the country voted for a president who said “Change” more than Giuliani said 9/11. You can say individual changes are bad, but you seem to be simply against Change. The whole Tea Party image is about romanticizing the past. You think you’re all little Paul Reveres, saving the country from King George (you missed your chance, that was the last president). Don’t tell me what the Founding Fathers would do. Like they would understand the internet or al Qaeda or derivatives. Don’t tell me what Reagan would do (you already guessed Never Raise Taxes and you got that wrong, folks, thanks for playing). Stop living in the past (one that you remember inaccurately). Let it go.

Option B: Get back in your DeLorean and travel back to the past. Say hi to the Gipper for me!