Admin Update IX: Admin's Revenge

Greetings PMW Nation

Thank you, loyal readers, for reading our blog. We apologize there has been little to read lately. In our defense, there has been little to report. Veep picks can be expected soon. That should be interesting. PMW readers selected... Commander Riker, to be Obama's running mate, so...good job guys. Obama Riker '08? No one has weighed in on who McCain should pick to succeed him during his first term. But we should have a field day on the final VP choices in the next couple weeks.

Other than that, nothing important has happened. John Edwards has a love child and mistress probably. Boo hoo! The Waco Kid and Goofers McWaxalot had a sociopolitical/cinematic debate over whether or not Batman represents George W. Bush in the Dark Knight. The debate probably was too long (and serious) to be contained in PMW and degenerated into bitter name-calling and malicious condescension. The Bush-Batman connection argument (and counterargument) is here.

August could be busy, but we'll be getting into prime campaign season, so expect an increase in PMW posts eventually. But whatever you do, don't call it a comeback!

Cheers

PMW Staff

PROFILES OF REAL ISSUES: The Internet

During my internship this summer, I have gotten my first exposure to a typical desk job. Sit at your computer all day, fill out Excel spreadsheets, check your Outlook, and, most importantly, surfing the ‘net. Now, let me assure you, web browsing is not entertainment (not always, maybe half the time), but actually is a way I get a lot of research done at work. However, my experience has led me to one important conclusion:

THE INTERNET IS A BOON TO THE LAZY
Thanks to the internet, as well as always-improving features for web browsers, productivity has grown tremendously. I can get so much work done, but more importantly, it also allows lots of time for non-work activities. I can check my email, the news, this blog, and Facebook once an hour without becoming significantly less productive. I can buy movie tickets online (btw everyone, go see The Dark Knight at least once), search for happy hour bars for after work (please send me ideas, readers), and check the traffic report to see if it’s worth it to sneak out of the office early (hint: it always is). I can’t fathom what people did before the internet. They either were bad workers or actually had to do nothing but work for eight hours. Imagine that! But here’s another important issue:

ONLINE PRIVACY AND FACEBOOK SPIES
I’ve also learned a lot about Facebook over the years. Originally, I saw it as an obnoxious trend that depersonalized the virtue of friendship and brought the shallowness of high school beyond the schoolyard and into cyberspace. Eventually, I accepted it as a practical networking tool that allowed me to stay in touch with friends after moving to Chicago and it also can be good for planning social activities.

However, things changed as Facebook introduced its News Feed (aka Stalker Feed) which announced every action you take on Facebook to all your Facebook friends. So effectively, you can stalk people on Facebook. At the same time, this is all information people personally release to their “friends” and they personally accept all their friend requests. So it’s not exactly stalking, but it’s fairly awkward. It’s definitely stalkward!

Most of all, beware two problems. First, Facebook spies. Some cute girl at work adds you as a friend and think, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m this lucky.” Well, you’re not, bro. It’s probably a Facebook Spy. She was hired by your boss to track your behavior on Facebook. One wrong move and you’re fired. (Gentlemen, never post pictures of you and your boss’s daughter.)

Second, parents have figured out about Facebook. It’s a travesty that people born before 1975 do not have a separate Geezer Facebook for those who did not grow up in the Tech Age. It’s not so much a travesty for little kids (some one should keep an eye on those bastards). I’m talking about the height of awkwardness: teenagers and twentysomethings getting “friended” (a blatantly fake word) by parents. This is so wrong. It’s just wrong. I can’t explain why (sorry, Dad). It just is. Thankfully, Facebook has addressed this with Limited Profile! Of course, Dad, I’ll be your friend. Here’s my profile…not much there…no photos, just some basic info about me.

Watch yourselves out there in the cyberspace, PMW Nation!

Obama’s Secret Identity

Recently, there has been much uproar over this New Yorker cover with the Obamas engaging in a terrorist fist bump. Let me tell you exactly what I think of this tasteless piece of “art.”

It. Doesn’t. MATTER!!! First of all, who are they concerned (maybe legitimately) will believe Obama’s a Muslim? The “blue collar, hard-working, beer-guzzling, working class” or whatever the elite MSM is clumsily calling them at the moment. The MSM always discusses how people are being condescending toward the common people, never noticing the irony. “We know the commoners. We know what they want. They don’t like this.” Gimme a break.

BUT, more importantly, this distracts from the true scandal. Obama is not a secret Muslim. That has been debunked. But the stupid MSM has never bothered to connect the dots and come to the obvious conclusion: Obama is a secret Irishman! They always gloss over the fact that he used to go by Barry.

Don’t you see? This is Barry O'Bama! This is a coup and I’m the only one who seems to give a shit! O’Bama will have us all drunk in the streets (hmmmm…could be good…) on Irish whiskey instead of proper southern bourbon and drinking pretentious imported Guinness (as pretentious as The New Yorker) instead of good ol' America Bud (Wait, Bud was just bought by Stella Artois, so…Coors). How did this happen? Up until now almost all the presidents were good old-fashioned WASPs!

And McCain is Irish too! My Goodness! (My Guiness!) We may have to vote for Nader.

Future America Mocks Past America

PMW has intercepted this correspondence between Past America and Future America

Dear Future America,

Help us!!! Everything is going crazy. We have to vote soon and we don’t know what to do. Bush doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing, but this Kerry guy seems like a dumbass. It looks like we’re going to give Bush another chance. Iraq is not going well, but it could turn around. Bush has done some bad things, but he hasn’t totally screwed everything up. Afghanistan looks like it will turn out okay. The economy is not doing well, but it looks like it could turn around soon.

Also, oil prices are out of control and gas prices are soaring. The Boston Globe says prices will soon be up to two dollars! How can we afford this? We may have to buy Priuses. But let’s certainly not resort to public transportation. I’d rather be dead in my car than alive on the subway. We have to drill for more oil or something. But where? How much is left? What should we do? Help!!!

Past America

Dear Past America,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yours,

Future America

Admin Update VIII: The Final Admin Update

Greetings PMW Nation,

Don't worry! Like any long-running series, this probably won't be the final update. Although, things have been slow here (we say that a lot, but this time we mean it). I am still toiling away for no money, 40 hours a week, leaving less time to blog. PMW readers may be interested to know my internship has been slightly political.

On Tuesday, we had a press conference about health care and the people at work who actually get paid got interviewed by reporters. On Thursday, we're having a conference call regarding immigration, which supposedly will feature Barack Obama (hopefully he's calling to thank me for my endorsement). Not that I'll talk to him or anything, but this is the coolest political thing to happen to me since I drove past President Bush on the 520 bridge.(bastard drove around town on the taxpayer's dime, blocking traffic for an hour to get money from the rich snobs on the Eastside, but I still got to drive past the president. Yay!)

Goofers has not been around much, but is supposedly "living the dream." So...I'm guessing he bought a small island and is cruising around it in his Camaro with a monkey and firing rifles into the air. That or making bank and partying it up.

Thanks for reading and supporting us. Special thanks to commenter LeVar Burton for his continued efforts to keep his comments related to politics and reality.

Cheers

P.M.W. Staff

PMW SPORTS: Seattle too poor for NBA team

PMW SPORTS is a recurring column in which we examine sports issues vaguely related to politics.

Recently, the Seattle SuperSonics moved to Oklahoma by order of new owner “Cash Us Clay” Bennett (© Jim Caple). This came as no surprise to the city, but it still pains the local fans. Bennett complained that Seattle needed a new Arena. While it was rebuilt in mid-90s, it is currently the smallest NBA arena. The best part is, Bennett wouldn’t have to pay. He was making the city pay.




So now the Sonics are finally gone (much to this blogger’s dismay). Seattle keeps the rights to the team name, but Commissioner David Stern ordered that Seattle must build a new arena within 18 months if expects a new NBA team. Again, let me remind you, Mr. Stern, Seattle has no money! Have you looked at the economy lately? The price of gas maybe? Where’s the money coming from? In what magical land does Seattle have the money for a stadium? Where are we going to get it from, the taxpayers? HA! They didn’t even get full approval from them to build Safeco Field (but they were close and it was totally worth it!). Ergo, Seattle is too poor to have a basketball team. These are some tough times, my friends!

Obama panders: Millions of idealists broken-hearted

Can you hear the sound of the starry-eyed liberals whimpering? After months of mocking Hillary’s tears, now they are wiping away their own. Last Tuesday, Barack Obama announced his support for faith-based initiatives. This was not a huge surprise to those who knew Obama before he ran for president, as he has always talked about religion more than many Democrats (and without tripping over himself as he does so…not to name names...ohn-Jay Erry-Kay).

The interesting point is that Bush was actually criticized by the supporters of faith-based programs for using it as a tool to get support from the Christian Right, but doing nothing with it. Obama argues that he can actually use them effectively and maintain separation of church and state. So the chattering classes debate: is this a good way address poverty and social issues, a possible way to win votes from evangelicals, or a simple pander (hint: #3).

The final question is: will this alienate his love-struck base, which is dying to see a counterrevolution against the last eight years? Conservatives often accuse liberals of being pansies and we’re about to see if they’re right. Can liberals realize that Obama will pander once in awhile and that he is only human? Will they have a Nader revolt? (Maybe they’ll forgive Nader after Roberts and Alito retire) Or will they pull out their box of Hillary Kleenex that they thought was such a clever political statement and cry themselves to sleep. Maybe they’ll sleep through the campaign season and wake up on Election Day. (Lucky bastards!)