A Detailed Bashing of the Clinton Political Machine

It’s come to this. I was once a blogger of much substance (if only relative to the MSM). Today, I have nothing deeply analytical. Just an articulation of how I’m fed up with a certain political faction. Hey, at least I’ve resisted the urge to resort to racist and sexist jokes!


Hillary Clinton
Nicknames: Bill Part II, The Goldwater Girl
I think I’ve covered this here, here, and here. And here.

Bill Clinton
Nickname: Slick Willie
Bill Clinton destroyed much of his political reputation throughout this campaign, particularly in South Carolina. He shot his mouth off, lacking his usually political savvy, annoying many people in the process. He must have gotten rusty after all those years out of politics (I know I should include an oral sex joke, but…I got nothin, sorry). After George W. Bush, my memory of Bill’s presidency became quite romanticized. But luckily, Bill came along to remind me of what a bullshitter he is and how conflicted I felt about his time in office.

Mark Penn
Nicknames: Pig-Penn, Fat Sleazy Lobbyist
Somehow a lobbyist running an anti-lobbyist campaign didn’t faze Democratic voters (Come on guys, even Chris Matthews noticed!). However, the best part was when Pig-Penn got fired recently from the Hillary campaign for brokering a trade deal with Columbia while Hillary was trying to convince Ohioans she was more anti-trade than Obama. How rich!

Terry McAuliffe
Nickname: Terry McAwful
He was the “no-balls” DNC chair during the Democrats’ horrible Kerry ’04 campaign. As party leader and spokesman, he did nothing to speak out against the horrible policies of W, proving himself completely useless. However, he suddenly felt compelled to take a stand on Bush’s Vietnam draft-dodging, the least important issue of the entire campaign, but also a predictable Republican-style move by a Clinton crony. McAwful’s only accomplishment was good fundraising, yet somehow Obama’s beating Hillary on that front right now. Congratulations, Terry, you’re useless.

James Carville

Nickname: The Ragin Cajun
I used to enjoy the Ragin Cajun on Crossfire. He was a cooler and more interesting alternative to Paul Begala (see below). Lately, however, the more I hear him the more I wish he’d shut up. The first red flag popped up in 2006 when he tried to oust Howard Dean from the DNC chairmanship after the Democrats' huge midterm election victories. He said Dean showed “Rumsfeldian leadership.” Excuse me, but Donald Rumsfeld has never overseen something as successful as the ’06 elections. He also recently called Bill Richardson “Judas” after he decided to endorse Obama around Easter Sunday, saying the timing was ironic. In Carville’s defense, Hillary does think she’s a savior, so maybe the analogy works.

Paul Begala
Nickname: Grinning Imbecile
This man is a hack. There’s not much else to say. He’s kind of happy and amiable if you totally agree with everything he’s saying, but otherwise he’s just a smug putz. If he has ever looked good, it’s because he spent years debating Robert Novak (a warped, frustrated old man who outs American spies) and Mr. Bow-Tie (who is scientifically proven to be a “dick”).

George Stephanopoulos
Nickname: George Snuffleupagus
After that terrible debate with Charlie Gipped-Us, this weak This Week host lost any respect I may have had for him.