The Clinton Reign of Terror: Democratic Party Status Check

Many insiders in the Democratic Party resent the Clintons, despite always putting up with them because they always seem to win. Party leaders have long accepted this political marriage of inconvenience (the original topic of An Inconvenient Truth), but now Obama presents a real chance to dethrone the Clintons and stop Hillary’s candidacy, earning him endorsements from Ted Kennedy and other Democrats, who plaintively cry, “Save us, Barack!” However, if Obama fails to stop her, can Clinton win?

Yes, but America loses (no offense to Hillary supporters, unless you’re a feminist who thinks I’m sexist, in which case, I hope you are offended in every way possible). A Clinton win is a victory for the Democrats, but an Obama win is a victory for optimism as well. While experience is helpful, (like, two extra years over Obama, Yes!) Obama has the potential to make people hate politics less. When they hate politics, they stop paying attention, and then presidents get elected who end up with 30% approval ratings. If Clinton is nominated, she may win, even against McCain (do not underestimate the power of the Clintons). The only other choices will be a third party (“Go ahead, throw your vote away!”) or a Straight Talker (John McCain is only a Straight Talker in the sense that he is neither gay nor silent).

But she has no hope of creating a consensus or broad coalition. Many Democrats love her, many Republicans hate her, (and many people will die inside as they cast their vote for her) but she shows no potential to be a uniter. It may have nothing to do with her policy positions. She just pisses people off. Half of Hillary voters will be settling for her because they have no better options (like eating at Denny’s at three in the morning) and Republicans will attack her relentlessly (like the stoner night staff’s undercooked meals attack your stomach the next day). And many people will just stay home (sleeping off the hangover of political cynicism).

The Democrats need to offer a remedy for the Bush infection plaguing America. America elected the honorable, pious Jimmy Carter to wash away the slimy, corrupt Nixon. They elected the competent Ronald Reagan to take the reins from the naïve, ineffective Carter. They chose the shrewd, able Bill Clinton to clean up the mess made by the aloof Poppa Bush. Baby Bush became president because they trusted him to keep it his pants and avoid embarrassing sex scandals (scandals like the FEMA one are so much more tasteful!). A new president has to counteract the old president’s fatal flaw.

George W. Bush is a stubborn cowboy who has done poorly partly because he doesn’t listen to opposing points of view (his cabinet of Yes Men replaced Clinton’s cabinet of Yes Women). Obama is widely seen as someone who respects all points of view and will listen. Hillary is viewed only as someone who can get things done. Even if Obama’s idealistic plans don’t come to fruition, he will still push mostly the same policies as Hillary, so why not take the gamble? Why not try someone the Republicans won’t hate and the Indies might actually like? Either way, the Democrats have the advantage in November, but with Hillary, cynicism and pessimism also have the advantage. With Obama, people might not get exhausted by politics and fall into a deep, apathetic sleep.