Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays: Battle to the Death

First of all, I must point out how weird Christmas is as a “religious” holiday, as Laura Miller points out. It’s kind of ubiquitous in America, because of both our Christian majority and the fact that even some atheists celebrate it, so it’s a strange issue. Also, in the interests of full disclosure, I celebrate Christmas, so maybe I’m biased, but whatever. There is a battle raging between the PC Left and the Traditionalist Right about how to appropriately wish people well during, uh, these upcoming days of December. There are two schools of thought on the issue:

MERRY CHRISTMAS: Some people may view this phrase as politically incorrect, but it’s one of the nicest phrases in the English language. Even if you are not celebrating on December 25th, I still hope your day is…merry. What’s wrong with that? I can’t say Happy Holidays with a straight face. A faceless corporation can wish a multi-cultural audience Happy Holidays, but from one individual to another, it feels like an empty slogan. Also, even if you want to be PC, call a spade a spade. Anyone putting up Christmas trees, etc. and calling them “Holiday Trees” is just dumb and that simply insults people on both sides of the debate.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS: On the other hand, there is no War on Christmas (sorry, Bill O’Reilly). It’s more like a forgettable skirmish that doesn’t deserve news coverage, despite what Christmas activists may tell you. And they need to shut up, because, seriously, the only thing worse than hearing a group whine about something is hearing a majority group whine about something. Christianity is the dominant religion in this country. Can’t Christmas activists be satisfied with that? Come on! Furthermore, while I personally do not wish people Happy Holidays (unless I know they prefer that phrase), referring to Christmas and New Years as “the holidays” is perfectly reasonable, since…you know, when you have one holiday plus one more holiday, you have (drum roll please)…HOLIDAYS. This bothers many of the anti-PC right wingers, but it’s their fault all the PC-niks came out of the woodwork in the first place.

VERDICT: IT DOESN’T MATTER! You say potato, I say potato. (Wow, not only does that joke not work in print, but I initially typed “potatoe,” after years of mocking Dan Quayle). So I wish the PMW Nation Merry Holidays, Christmas and otherwise. I hope you enjoy yourselves and avoid this pointless, Yule-tide dilemma.

Blago Mistako and the Obama Revolution

PMW has now developed the ability to predict the future. We can now project that Gov. Rod Blagoya-whatever (D-Most Corrupt Place Ever), will be arrested. To your left, you can see his FBI MUG SHOT. Blago decided to auction off Obama’s vacant Senate seat and he got caught. He will serve time in prison (hopefully).

What an idiot! This is your classic stupid criminal. Mayor Richard M. Daley, (D-Most Corrupt Place Ever) has done so much worse shit, but he’s way too smart to get caught (sadly!). The Dick-tator of Chi-town is probably laughing his off at Blago right now. I don’t know what Blago was thinking. I guess he thought he could hide behind all that hair.

But the corruption won’t stop there. PMW predicts that Obama will set off a terrible Liberal Revolution. The world will descend into a moral cesspool. I can’t describe it conventionally. I can only share it with you in the form of the next book published by A. A. Milne (cliffnotes version):


Winnie the Pooh and The Obama Revolution


NO ROO: First of all, don’t expect to see the cutest member of the Hundred Acre Wood because, in this story, KANGA HAD AN ABORTION! Abortions for everyone under Obama!

POOH AND PIGLET ARE GAY MARRIED: Yes, more like Winnie the Poof. Not that either of them were very butch to begin with, but now both of them are gayin’ up Pooh Corner. Marriages everywhere are falling apart because of their sinful and deeds.













TIGGER IS SOLICITING PROSTITUTION: This always rebellious creature has reached new lows. He’s roaming the Hundred Acre Wood yelling obscene things to the ladies like: “Hey babe, want to join the Hundred Acre Club?” “Once you’ve had Tigger, you’ll never have bigger.” “Check out MY Hundred Acre Wood!” Disgusting! But he never gets busted, because Obama has legalized prostitution.

EEYORE IS ON WELFARE: This donkey lounges lazily outside all day and always complains about how hard his life is. Get a job, you ass! Despite years of Donkey Affirmative Action, he has squandered every opportunity in his life and lives off Obama’s handouts.

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN IS A DRUNK: Obama lowers the drinking age to 6 and Christopher Robin hasn’t been sober since.

RABBIT AND OWL ARE MISERABLE: They are the only responsible, morally sound members of the community and everyone takes advantage of them.

THE END

***P.S. Did you see that still-president Bush was attacked by Random Task from the Austin Powers movies?