Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays: Battle to the Death

First of all, I must point out how weird Christmas is as a “religious” holiday, as Laura Miller points out. It’s kind of ubiquitous in America, because of both our Christian majority and the fact that even some atheists celebrate it, so it’s a strange issue. Also, in the interests of full disclosure, I celebrate Christmas, so maybe I’m biased, but whatever. There is a battle raging between the PC Left and the Traditionalist Right about how to appropriately wish people well during, uh, these upcoming days of December. There are two schools of thought on the issue:

MERRY CHRISTMAS: Some people may view this phrase as politically incorrect, but it’s one of the nicest phrases in the English language. Even if you are not celebrating on December 25th, I still hope your day is…merry. What’s wrong with that? I can’t say Happy Holidays with a straight face. A faceless corporation can wish a multi-cultural audience Happy Holidays, but from one individual to another, it feels like an empty slogan. Also, even if you want to be PC, call a spade a spade. Anyone putting up Christmas trees, etc. and calling them “Holiday Trees” is just dumb and that simply insults people on both sides of the debate.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS: On the other hand, there is no War on Christmas (sorry, Bill O’Reilly). It’s more like a forgettable skirmish that doesn’t deserve news coverage, despite what Christmas activists may tell you. And they need to shut up, because, seriously, the only thing worse than hearing a group whine about something is hearing a majority group whine about something. Christianity is the dominant religion in this country. Can’t Christmas activists be satisfied with that? Come on! Furthermore, while I personally do not wish people Happy Holidays (unless I know they prefer that phrase), referring to Christmas and New Years as “the holidays” is perfectly reasonable, since…you know, when you have one holiday plus one more holiday, you have (drum roll please)…HOLIDAYS. This bothers many of the anti-PC right wingers, but it’s their fault all the PC-niks came out of the woodwork in the first place.

VERDICT: IT DOESN’T MATTER! You say potato, I say potato. (Wow, not only does that joke not work in print, but I initially typed “potatoe,” after years of mocking Dan Quayle). So I wish the PMW Nation Merry Holidays, Christmas and otherwise. I hope you enjoy yourselves and avoid this pointless, Yule-tide dilemma.

Blago Mistako and the Obama Revolution

PMW has now developed the ability to predict the future. We can now project that Gov. Rod Blagoya-whatever (D-Most Corrupt Place Ever), will be arrested. To your left, you can see his FBI MUG SHOT. Blago decided to auction off Obama’s vacant Senate seat and he got caught. He will serve time in prison (hopefully).

What an idiot! This is your classic stupid criminal. Mayor Richard M. Daley, (D-Most Corrupt Place Ever) has done so much worse shit, but he’s way too smart to get caught (sadly!). The Dick-tator of Chi-town is probably laughing his off at Blago right now. I don’t know what Blago was thinking. I guess he thought he could hide behind all that hair.

But the corruption won’t stop there. PMW predicts that Obama will set off a terrible Liberal Revolution. The world will descend into a moral cesspool. I can’t describe it conventionally. I can only share it with you in the form of the next book published by A. A. Milne (cliffnotes version):


Winnie the Pooh and The Obama Revolution


NO ROO: First of all, don’t expect to see the cutest member of the Hundred Acre Wood because, in this story, KANGA HAD AN ABORTION! Abortions for everyone under Obama!

POOH AND PIGLET ARE GAY MARRIED: Yes, more like Winnie the Poof. Not that either of them were very butch to begin with, but now both of them are gayin’ up Pooh Corner. Marriages everywhere are falling apart because of their sinful and deeds.













TIGGER IS SOLICITING PROSTITUTION: This always rebellious creature has reached new lows. He’s roaming the Hundred Acre Wood yelling obscene things to the ladies like: “Hey babe, want to join the Hundred Acre Club?” “Once you’ve had Tigger, you’ll never have bigger.” “Check out MY Hundred Acre Wood!” Disgusting! But he never gets busted, because Obama has legalized prostitution.

EEYORE IS ON WELFARE: This donkey lounges lazily outside all day and always complains about how hard his life is. Get a job, you ass! Despite years of Donkey Affirmative Action, he has squandered every opportunity in his life and lives off Obama’s handouts.

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN IS A DRUNK: Obama lowers the drinking age to 6 and Christopher Robin hasn’t been sober since.

RABBIT AND OWL ARE MISERABLE: They are the only responsible, morally sound members of the community and everyone takes advantage of them.

THE END

***P.S. Did you see that still-president Bush was attacked by Random Task from the Austin Powers movies?

Happy Thanksgiving from Political Mouthwash!

Greetings PMW Nation

We're all very tired from covering the election, very busy with our day jobs (or school or whatever it is that we do, be it acting or testing assault weapons), so no posts for awhile, probably through the holidays. But have a great Thanksgiving and eat a lot. And be sure to make this Thanksgiving PORK FREE. Eat turkey with no earmarks. (Wow, I guess I need a break to let my creativity come back to me...)

Cheers

The Waco Kid and PMW Staff

THE HOPE CABINET: What will change mean?

In the aftermath of the election, the big scoop in the MSM has been (aside from how the GOP will regroup) Obama’s cabinet. Rahm Emmanuel will be his Chief of Staff, which means (in case you don’t watch The West Wing) that he will run the office and just kind of…you know (why don’t you watch The West Wing???). Now, Hillary is getting lots of buzz for Secretary of State (Way to shatter that glass ceiling by becoming a secretary!!!) Obviously, PMW has been critical of Hillary, but this is different. Today, Obama announced Eric Holder will be his Attorney General and this is the direction the country needs to go in. This is the change we need!

We must have a Mustachioed Cabinet.

Eric Holder, Attorney General

Bill Richardson, Secretary of State

David Axelrod, Deputy Chief of Staff

Paul Krugman, Secretary of the Treasury (You’re off probation, buddy. I ain’t mad at ya!)

Hillary, if think you're up to being Secretary of State, you better step up!

***UPDATE

Obama has picked a clean-shaven Secretary of the Treasury, but he has picked Bill Richardson for Commerce (not State). Axelrod was made "Senior Advisor." Hillary accepted an offer for Secretary of State, but photos suggest she did NOT grow a mustache. Oh well...

Mr. Obama’s Neighborhood: Never Go There

Soon, President-Elect Obama will be moving to Washington D.C. and good for him because Hyde Park is a terrible place. Take it from me, another escapee of Hyde Park, the only thing nicer the scenery is when you get to leave. It’s a weird, stupid place that’s hard get to and even harder to leave. It’s not really a terrible place in and of itself, but it’s kind of boring, it’s far away from any cool neighborhoods and it's surrounded by neighborhoods which are sketchy or worse. Here is a map of Hyde Park showing where the crime spills into it (Waco nearly got mugged just west of Obama's house).

However, what this shows is that President Obama will have serious firsthand experience with poverty and crime and he will hopefully have a better idea of what communities need to rebuild (these areas were actually normal and even vibrant 10 years ago). It’s the Change Hyde Park Residents Need (to survive). So, let’s hope for the best. Few places need help more than the South Side.

Speaking of things which should be left alone, leave Sarah Palin alone! I hate to be the one to defend her, but good Lord! She’s not going to be president for at least four years and probably longer (or never, fingers crossed). Stop bothering her. She lost, she sucked, so who cares now? This is unfair to Sarah, Todd, Crisco, Trek, Snausage, and especially the newest Palin, Maverino.

Admin Update XIII: The Future of PMW

Greetings PMW Readers

We congratulate Barack Obama on his presidential victory. PMW had supported him since the primaries and Goofers endorsed him in our very first post (although Ron Paul would have made our jobs much easier). Anyway, onto the business of the day. We welcome the triumphant return (it’s for real this time) of our Executive Director and Editor-in-Chief Goofers McWaxalot. He has been plotting and scheming about the future of this fine blog (when he has a free minute). Nothing is set in stone, but I have heard about merchandising, a possible move to www.politicalmouthwash.com, and some level of expansion.

As we speak, our Senior Editor, The Waco Kid, is recruiting new staff members to write for us. Once again, any readers interested should submit guest posts. You may be given a regular job. We can’t pay you (YET), but it’s fun. And when we make it big, you may get paid and you’ll definitely have street cred (if not in the real world, at least here in the tubes.

Already, we have added a new member to the team. We welcome our new Associate Editor, Lance Murdock, to the PMW Staff. We expect he’ll bring lots of wit and wisdom to the table. And of course, thanks to all our awesome readers and commenters.

Cheers

PMW Staff

GUEST POST: The Least Popular Kid in the Class

Well it is official. The good men and women of America have officially decided that President Bush is the least popular president in the history of recording popularity. His disapproval rating has just topped 70%. To give you some perspective on just how unpopular this is, Richard Nixon after resigning the office of the presidency after Watergate had a disapproval rating of 66%. Harry Truman in January of 52 managed to hold the record for over fifty years at 67%. This means that people dislike Bush more then they were pissed about Vietnam in the 60’s, Hoover in the Great Depression, and again Nixon after he said that he STOLE the taxpayers money and lied to get into office.

There is an old saying that no one likes the smartest kid in the class. At least the smart kid is smart enough not to become the least popular kid in the class. While I am not ready to declare that the era of stupid politicians is over, I take some small amount of solace in the fact that we are getting there. The American people are weighing in that they want someone who knows that Africa is a continent and not a country in office. They want someone can bring respect back to the presidency. They want the office to mean something not just to them but to the rest of the world as well. They want to open the newspaper or watch The Daily Show and not see the leader of the free world dancing around like a buffoon or struggling to get through a complete sentence. They are sick of the president opening his mouth to reassure the American people that the economy is strong and then seeing the Dow drop hundreds of points. But mostly, they are just sick of believing that the government is unable to do anything at all to affect their lives for the better.

For the first time since WWII, people are saying that they actually want bigger government and believe that the government should help them with their lives. Well to those people I say this: “Help is on the way.” Obama has already inspired millions of people here and billions around the world that help is coming soon to a country near you January 20th. No longer do we have to live with the fear and frustration that our government can only be used as an instrument of apathy and talk. Action is not far behind and action converts hope into success. I look forward to the day where I can write a post saying that President Obama has broken the record for having the highest approval rating in history. In the meantime, I will take pleasure in the hope I have for this country and the world in times to come.

That is all.

-Lance Murdock

MSM’s ELECTION COVERAGE

For starters, I got to cover the election from Grant Park in Chicago for PMW, so that was pretty amazing. Due to a lack of merit-based ticketing, major networks had front row access, while I got to watch from afar on the Jumbo-Tron. I watched CNN’s coverage before and after, because the other networks were pretty much in the tank for their candidates. Here’s my report card.

HIGH POINTS

Roland Martin
Three cheers for his emotional speech on racial reconciliation and his assertion that allies of people of color should share the feeling of triumph. Classy work from one of the few rising stars of the MSM.

Campbell Brown and John King
John King reports news! It’s astonishing. He has no business on a major news network. There was no nonsense, no celebrity references. He was explaining important information! Wow! He had his “magic wall.” (CNN’s words, not mine, wtf Anderson Cooper?) And Campbell? Uh, she’s just hot and actually smart, too, making her more hot.

Low Points
Paul Begala

He continues to benefit from sitting next people to more lame than he is, thus preventing anyone from realizing how lame he is. Along with Alex Castellanos and Bill Bennett, he was less annoying than usual, but still contributed little.

CNN LOLograms
Help me, Wolf Blitzer, you’re my only hope. These were very cool for the first 30 seconds, but quickly proved to serve no purpose. Yet another technological gimmick from CNN. But No Bias No Bull correspondents appearing “via hologram” (lol?) is not as scary as what is to come. One day we’ll be voting for holograms. Our presidents will be phony, empty projections of some special interest. That would be scary.

In closing, I salute John McCain for a classy concession speech. Way to salvage some of your dignity, sir. You lost most of it in your complex political battle with W, but I can sense there’s still good in you. PMW calls for a ceasefire. No more attacks on you, for now.

Hind-wash: Why McCain lost in 2008

As we reach the end of the road in the 2008 Presidential Election, Obama has been crowned the victor. But most of us are on political overload at this point. Almost like LSD overdose, "you took too much man, too much." Hunter S Thompson might have summed up the Republican experience best. I changed the context of the quote to apply to the election rather than acid.

"The [Election] had shifted gears on [Them]. The next phase would probably be one of those hellishly intense introspective nightmares, followed by four [years] or so of catatonic despair."

-Dr. Hunter S Thompson

Let's get to it shall we? Begin the introspective nightmare! Why did it happen? Why was McCain a Loser?

REASON 1: He's a Fucking Cripple!

In this journalist/blogger's opinion what was the SOLE deciding factor in an Obama victory? Better policy, speaking ability, intelligence level, campaigner? None of the above! On November Fourth, America stood up and resoundingly told John McCain if you can't lift your arms above your shoulders, you shouldn't be president


"We will not go into that good night, with a man who will only be limited to low-fives for the rest of his presidency!"

- America

REASON 2: THE MAGICAL OBAMA GROUND GAME

Let's also give credit where it is due. McCain didn't lose due to his own incompetence and negligence alone. Obama brought to bare the most powerful ground game in an Election history. Just to give you some idea of the spectacle that was "The Obama-non ground game". Here is some real time footage of the campaign in action!

Things to watch for in this video:
1) Amazing organization skills: watch the Obama team "step in time"
2) Uniting of classes: Whether it be the rich woman in red or the lowly chimney sweeps everybody takes part.
3) Dodging the low blows from the old man: When McCain fires off shots from across the rooftops the Obama camp instinctively takes cover and quickly counter-punches.
4) Protecting the youth vote: The youth vote is vital to the Obama camp.
5) The old white people fear but eventually come to love the Obama campaign
6) Hillary Clinton makes an appearance in the very end with a "Votes for Women" sash. She proudly sacrifices her own presidential bid to march alongside the Obama supporters. Well done.


REASON 3: Sarah Palin is Probably Retarded...
I'm not sure how many people have been following this but in the most recent news, McCain staffers have acknowledged that Palin didn't know Africa was a continent, rather then just one big country and she couldn't name all the countries in North America. So I Actually think this is a legitimate claim. I know a lot of people are going to bitch and wine and say "Goofers...that's soooo un-PC of you." But i think she seriously has a mental disability. One of her kids has down syndrome for starters. I'm not sure if it's "Twix" or "Spatula" or whatever her fucking kids names are, it's one of them. Anyways, she probably passed it on to them. And, wait, seriously. Look at her kids names, could you imagine what's going to happen when she ends up in congress.

"Ok the house minority leader will now introduce Sarah Palin's new bill ....H.R. 100447 the Ok yeah Twix trig you betcha, go Alaska bill" (<-- dramatic interpretation) I leave you with this proof. But i warn it's quite painful to watch.

99 PROBLEMS BUT MCCAIN AIN’T ONE

PMW received the following statement from President-Elect Obama at 1:00 CT.














I got al Qaeda and other foes that nobody knows
And the insurgency in Iraq ain’t in its last throes
People wanna make sure their mortgage ain't foreclosed
Global warming’s melting the ice at the North Pole
Media critics say I got an elitist pose
I’m from the South Side, bitch, what type of facts are those
I coulda gone white collar if I had chose
Instead of community organizing for people without dough
I don’t know what you take me as
Or understand all the challenges Obama has
I’m from hopes to votes, cynics, I ain’t dumb
I got 99 problems but McCain ain’t one
Hit me!

YES WE CAN! YES WE DID ! OBAMA

Election Eve: New Dirty Tricks from John McCain

PMW has recently discovered two flyers from the McCain campaign that discourage younger voters from making it out to the polls. A new low for the McCain camp.
(Click to Enlarge)

PMW NEWS FLASH: MSM Still Worthless and Confused

The MSM (previously Mostly Shitty Media, hereafter Mainly Schizo Media) clearly has no clue what’s going on in this election. One week, they tout a poll where Obama and McCain are in a dead heat. The next week, Obama’s up by double digits. Obviously, this makes for a great story, but come on! A single poll means nothing. So, let me predict the outcome of the election. I can do it better than any of those clowns (with few exceptions, and sorry, Krugman, you’re on probation, even with your Nobel).

Obama will win. It will be a bloodbath (think Saw VIII, or maybe Saw ’08). McCain will go home and take a well-deserved nap (lucky bastard). Obama will saunter into the White House victorious (although he’ll be sauntering into a shitstorm). Ludacris will write a song about how awesome it is. Kid Rock will tell Access Hollywood it’s a shame.

Maybe conservatives will emulate whiny liberals and threaten to move to…somewhere with no taxes (if they can stomach Spanish)…or maybe somewhere that’s ultra-conservative (Iran, North Korea, Russia?). Or maybe they’ll just all go to Alabama and lobby for more state’s rights. That could make for good legal trades between red and blue states! (We’ll give you abortion bans if you give us gay marriage. We’ll give you assault weapons, but we’re not paying for the federal subsidies you get anymore).

I don’t know what will happen, I hope I didn't jinx it, and I’m sure you learned nothing from this post, but dammit if I couldn’t do this for a living.

PMW ELECTION UPDATE! (election was over last month..nothing new to report)

DEAR JOHN...... MCCAIN! ,

HAH! (always wanted to right a Dear John letter)

I've got some terrible news for you and Red State America. I'd really like to tell you all that it was a long hard campaign and that both sides fought long and hard to secure their position as President of these United States; however, that is largely not the case. The Blue states will prevail in 2008. This is not just speculation, oh no! Such wild statements in any other political climate would be wild, reckless and negligent. But this is not any other climate. With the Dow behaving like a yo-yo on crack, nothing scares America more than 4 more years of America. I'm sorry McCain, you're an establishment candidate in the face of a change election. Obama almost didn't have to try. Perhaps the biggest loser in this election isn't you. Let's think of it this way (to make you feel better) Obama didn't have to try...but he did anyways. He raised more money in one month than you could raise in 6 months. As a point of fact, he's raised more money than any other Democratic candidate in US history. He didn't have to, what a waste of time. He could have spent the entire election in Hawaii sipping Mai Tai's and mocking an effigy of you from a distance (maybe stage a mock lynching?) It's hard to say what sort of bat-shit crazy fun he could've had if he wasn't making money and "campaigning" but it goes without saying, on an economic level his opportunity cost was much higher than yours.

So after you've completely blown this election, it's going to be difficult to keep yourself occupied. As the Executive Director of PMW I figured it was my responsibility to interview those who are mired in mediocrity kind of like yourself. Natural "losers" who will never amount to much (no offense) Let's listen to their comments! :

Tom Cruise (Reason for Losing - Scientology): Hi John, When my movie career was definitely at it's best I decided to join a cult full of wackos and halfwits. I think one reason that we are similar is that we were both good at what we originally did, that is being an appealing but un-memorable 2nd rate professional. Kind of like how you were a popular senator in Arizona about 8 years ago, I was a popular actor 18 years ago. Now that I'm not really an A-lister anymore i spend my time reading about Scientology and spending my money from Top Gun royalties on the books. Did you know it costs $3,000,000 to buy the books for OT8? OMG i love this religion, poor ass suckers will never be god like me :D


1986 Boston Red Sox (Reason for Losing - Bill Buckner): Wrong time, wrong place, why did we keep Buckner in? I think his ankle was broken right? So really John, we're nothing like you. While you are almost entirely flawed, our team had only one critically flawed component. So what should you do now that your Presidential bid is over? How about commissioner of baseball? Oh wait, no, even better. I think the Yankees need a new coach?


Balki from Perfect Strangers (Reason for Losing - Balki from Perfect Strangers): Hello John McCain!!! I love America and I love you! USA! I want to talk that your campaign has been most sexy..errr...affectionate...wait? My English is not so good yet i do believe we have much in common, yes no? Please excuse my erection of English incorrection. We are both who we are, and that is very wonderful men. We could make sweet times together? My number is 206-321-4870. Be my love.

There you have it John McCain. This is the best we could do here at PMW. While it's not much, I know you read this blog daily and i think it will do, for now. We really never supported you from the beginning but we admire the fact the you are losing in the quickest and most graceful way possible. PMW hopes that your transition into mediocrity is painless and unfulfilliing.


Sincerely
(Suck it),

Goofers McWaxalot

PROFILES IN REAL ISSUES: The Electoral College

The final debate was terrible. There was nothing funny about it. At least, nothing that hasn’t been covered by the Daily Show or Saturday Night Live. I got nothin’. Nothin’. So, moving onto to a real issue…

Elections do not come down to who has the most real votes, (see Gore, Al, 2000) but rather who has the most Make Believe Votes. Every four years, each state gets together and votes. However, they don’t actually vote on a president, they vote on a trusted Townsman to ride his horse and carriage to Washington D. C. and cast a vote for the entire town. Obviously, there was no way we could actually count up everyone’s vote. Plus, how could they all get up to Washington in their buggies? Who would watch the farm?

Well, one day, we all realized that most of us aren’t on farms and the TV figured out how to count everyone’s vote. This became apparent when the townspeople rode to Washington to vote for Bush in 2000, even though Al Gore earned more real votes. Then, we turned to the nation’s Town Elders, in their deep wisdom, to explain to us what happened. They explained to us that we were bad at making laws. “Now, children, you have proven you are too stupid to elect your president. Florida, we thought you were responsible enough to conduct your own elections. We were sorely mistaken. So, we’ll have to decide for you.” The elders voted 5-4 for Bush.

Associate Justices:
Nancy Grace, David Souter, Clarence Thomas, Stephen Breyer (Top Row)
Roy Snyder, Judge Reinhold, Judge Judy, Mike Judge (Bottom Row)
Chief Justice: Judge Dredd (center)

This led many people to say, why the town representatives or the elders decide. Let the people decide! At first glance, this seems like a good idea. But remember, the Electoral College was set up for important reasons.

1) Keep third parties out.
Do you reeeeeeeeally want this guy running the country? Look at him! LOL

2) Keep the people confused
When people understand the electoral process too clearly, they start to catch on to the necessary ways that politicians manipulate them and they try to actually advocate for themselves and take control of their own country. It also lowers electoral optimism and turnout to dangerously high levels. Remember in the primaries, the long lines at the voting booths? Some people didn’t even get to vote. They were disenfranchised, all because of high voter turnout.

3) What would the Founding Fathers say?
How dare you question the system put in place by the founding fathers? How DARE you?

Even so, I MOVE THAT WE ABOLISH THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE

In this country, we let the big cities decide the election. They get more electoral votes than the American Heartland (what did Palin call it, the real America?). Even worse, this creates a liberal bias in the Electoral College, since big cities always vote Democrat. What if we let the president be elected not by the Elders, the Townspeople in the horse and carriage, or the Upper West Side? What if we let the Joe Sixpack decide? Why can't Joe the Plumber have a voice??? Look at the electoral map! Those tiny blue spots are overriding the will of the large red spots (The Mountains and Plains are proud to endorse John McCain!). The Elite, Snooty Liberal’s best friend is the Electoral College and it’s time we got rid of it.

Weekend Montage with LeVar Burton

Greetings, PMW Nation.

Waco has suggested that, given my skills on Microsoft Paint, I consider taking on a regular post in this space: the Weekend Montage. I’ll give it a shot. As the election draws near, the economy is no doubt a top issue on PMW readers’ minds. Treasury secretary Henry Paulsen appears on Mad Money and MSM mag covers about as often as President Bush these days.

I was watching CNN the other day, and I noticed that Paulsen bears a striking resemblance to one certain actor John C. McGinley. In a couple decades, McGinley will resemble Paulsen like Gul Dukat resembles Elim Garak. Perhaps he can accelerate this process with two or three packs a day, unfiltered.

I digress. Point is, these guys look a lot alike. And if Paulsen ever wants someone else to take the heat for the Dow, he can easily tap McGinley as his stand-in. I’m just sayin’.

That is all. Stay tuned for more.

LeVar

GUEST POST: The Socialist Contradiction

I pose a very basic question to Republicans who are accusing Barack Obama of adopting “socialist principals.” How are stimulus checks not a form of socialism?

Let’s back up for a second. The concept of stimulus checks is nothing new. The idea is that the government gives its citizens a check for a few hundred dollars with the idea that they are going to piss it away on DVD’s, clothing or other retail items to improve the GDP. The problem is that most people use those checks to pay their rent or pay down existing debt or other things they need which are likely not made in the United States anyways. The research is in and stimulus checks don’t work as intended especially when the economy is doing badly. This comes down to targeting. Stimulus checks are issued to those who have relatively low incomes and don’t have as much money for discretionary spending. Instead of buying stuff as they are intended, they would rather use the money to simply not be as poor.

So what does this have to do with socialism and Republicans and the election? I am glad you asked. About a week ago when Obama was talking to our favorite person ever, Joe the Plumber, (if you don’t know who he is, please invite me to the rock you have been living under or use your stimulus check to purchase a television). Obama mentioned that he was interested in trying to reduce the class warfare our country faces by changing our tax structure to favor those making less then $250,000 a year (I.E. Those who are not pretty damn wealthy). John McCain took one line he used to describe this, “spreading the wealth around”, to be the battle cry to call Obama a socialist. Now here is where I get a little confused. How are reducing taxes for poor American’s more socialist then issuing them stimulus checks, which is quite literally spreading the wealth around which John McCain supports? If you can answer that then you are smarter then I am.

The great irony is that this country has always been interested in spreading the wealth around. Have you ever wondered why social security didn’t simply pay out benefits that directly correlate to the amount of money you have contributed to it in your lifetime and no more? That would be in alignment with John McCain’s Darwinist principals as well as that of the free market but he would never get elected if he said that directly (In fairness, he remembers when there was no Social Security! -ed). So basically John McCain and George Bush support socialism but as the old saying goes, it is not that they don’t get it, it is just that they can’t sell it. Well maybe not Bush but that is a different story…Have a great day.

That is all

-Jonathan Frakes

PMW NEWS FLASH: Sudden Blow to McCain

This just in: Senator John McCain (D-AZ) has suffered a serious blow to his campaign from Senator Barack Obama. It appears McCain was Rick Roll’d by Obama! Some are saying he was Barack Roll’d. Regardless, it caught the McCain campaign offguard. Obama spokesman David Axelrod called it the campaign's “greatest accomplishment,” and a McCain spokesman admitted they would need to “respond strongly” in order to recover. CNN reported this one the “game changer” Obama needed and it could put McCain away.

The footage is here.

Also, here’s a gigantic OOPS in Upstate New York. Uhh, it was a typo. You know the “B” and “S” keys are so close on the keyboard. I don’t know whether I’m offended or simply stunned that someone was dumb enough to let this happen. Someone should be fired for utter incompetence!

If you thought things couldn’t get worse for McCain, you might have been wrong. A Troopergate report will soon be released from Alaska and some believe it could sink Palin. (Frankly, I think it’s nothing a wink and a beautiful smile can’t take care of, but you never know).

Debate III: Snoozefest II

If you’re an Undecided Voter, I have to say, I’m sorry because I don’t know if this debate helped you at all. (I also have to say…really? The choice isn’t clear? This isn’t Hillary-Obama. They barely agree on anything!) Nothing new came up tonight. Here is a truncated transcript of the debate.


John McCain: My friends, Barack Obama is naïve about foreign policy.

Barack Obama: You said we’d be greeted as liberators. I couldn’t be that naïve if I tried.

McCain: He’ll raise your taxes.

Obama: Only for the wealthiest 5%.

McCain: That includes small businesses, my friends.

Obama: Only 5% of businesses.

McCain: Well you still suck. [Insert lame joke here]

Obama [Fake laugh]

McCain: You want to bomb Pakistan. How dumb!

Obama: Only if they can’t or won’t give us bin Laden. You sang Bomb, Bomb Iran!

McCain: I was just kidding! I’m so funny. [Ridiculous grin]

Obama: [Professorial brow furrow] Yeah I need to start telling jokes like you. They’re not funny, but people think you’re more laid back and have a better sense of humor.

McCain: It’s true my friends. Heh, heh, heh. But you’re still up in the polls. It’s not fair, I’m the Maverick. You never question your party.

Obama: My party’s had much less time in power and we haven’t done anything as damaging as yours in the last eight years.

McCain: Well, you’ll win in a few weeks and then they will.

Obama: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’ve only won this debate.

McCain: Yeah, but it’s not a debate. Nobody won. We just wasted 90 minutes of America’s time sniping at each other.

Obama: Fuck…

Tom Brokaw: I’m going to whine at you for taking too much time, even though I never bothered to cut you off. This job is sweet. I don’t have to do anything. Well, undecided ladies and gentleman, I hope they gave you the sound bites you need to make your choice.

Admin Update XII: Klingons in the White House?

Greetings PMW Readers

Goofers is still on sabbatical, or whatever, although hopefully he’ll fit a few posts in here before the election. After the election, the whole staff may be taking a sabbatical (or moving Canada! The horror, the horror!). Meanwhile, I will continue covering the debates and responding to commenters.

I support our wonderful commenters in their ongoing journey toward staying on-topic. So many good points have been competing with semi-related (at best) Star Trek references. While I absolutely want to encourage limiting those references, I do offer a treat for all our Star Trek fans in PMW Nation. As always, we are maintaining a political context.

David Wu, (D-Crazytown, OR) apparently knows more about Star Trek than politics. Imagine Ron Paul in a Star Trek uniform. Nothing like making a moral argument about public policy with a Star Trek analogy! I leave it open to our commenters to determine if his analogy made sense.

Debate II: If That’s What You Could Call It

Tonight’s debate was ridiculous and unsatisfying. You know what else is ridiculous and unsatisfying? The Cubs are about to go down 2-0. How is this possible? They are cursed! They were unbeatable, unhittable, and unstoppable, and now suddenly they suck. Zambrano just threw a no-hitter and now he’s terrible? Is this a joke? Could he at least punch a Dodger? Can he do anything right? The Cubbies were supposed to be a lock for the Series. I was supposed to get a Subway Series maybe. (Actually the Chicago Transit Authority runs Elevated trains, aka the El, so it’d be an El Series, but that’s neither here nor there).

But back to the debate, Obama is way ahead in the polls. Most likely because of the sad state of the economy. Dammit, the Dodgers got another run! But seriously, back to the debate. Sarah Palin didn’t really say much substantial, but she was adorable. She looked gorgeous, she had that All-American smile, and she winked a bunch. I don’t know what that was about, but it was extremely endearing. I disagreed with everything she said, but I wanted to agree with her. She’s like a hot Reagan.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did I not actually address the stated topic of what happened at the debate? Well, I was more on-topic than Sarah Palin. She routinely refused to answer questions. At one point, Biden called her on it and she admitted to it. She just stayed on her talking points. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a debate, it was a Sound-Bite-Off and she may have some good sound bites for the news to play over and over again. Biden somehow managed not to have any bad sound bites, though. So, once again, this debate may change nothing.

***UPDATE

From http://politicalwire.com/archives/2008/10/03/leaked_from_palins_debate_prep.html

GUEST POST by David Copperfield

My Fellow Americans

Today, we stand on the brink of oblivion. Washington has failed to act to save our country from financial breakdown. You, the American people, made your position clear. You wanted the government to act, for once, to help you, the people, and not the corporations and special interests. Too often, they stand by and do nothing, or else give handouts to fat cats while you, the hard working people of America, are left for dead. It’s wrong.

You wanted a bailout, but you did not want a plan that spent $700 billion of your money. This mess is not your fault, so why should you pay your tax dollars to fix it? You asked congress to pass a bailout bill that cost you little or nothing. Congress failed you. McCain failed you. Obama failed you. But there is one last hope for America.

I stand before you today declaring my Presidency for the United States. I will stop this crisis without costing you a dime. I humbly ask for your support.

Copperfield-Blaine 2008
A Magical Opportunity for a Country in Need

Debate I: Epic Snoozefest

If you missed the debate, SPOILER: nothing happened all night. Obama scored some underwhelming, inevitable hits on Iraq. McCain scolded Obama as a naïve novice. Ultimately, it was not the “game changer,” the press was looking for. It actually got pretty boring after awhile. (But it was better than Gipped Us and Snuffleupagus harping on William Ayers and they didn't ask about McCain's houses)

Luckily, CNN – HD was there to entertain me. A panel of CNN correspondents was there to rate the candidates in real time alongside an audience tracker that had different colored moving lines that engaged viewers as shiny keys entertain a baby or small animal. CNN’s panel was perfectly balanced, with 2 Democratic hacks, 2 GOP hacks, and 2 non-partisan staffers sworn against taking sides.

CNN is clearly on a mission to become the No Bias No Bull Network, the independent alternative to Fox Noise and MS Now Bashing Conservatives. Most anchors convey as little emotion as possible (none better than Robotic Boob Wolf Blitzer) with the exception of personality-driven Lou Dobbs, with his Independent’s Convention (because let’s face it, both parties are failing this country when it comes to bashing immigrants).

CNN Debate Scoring Panel, Formerly The Best Political News Team of All Time

Paul Begala: Democratic Hack, Clintonista, Crossfire Host (got owned by Jon Stewart)

Donna Brazile: Democratic Strategist. A smart woman, but she ran Al Gore’s presidential campaign, so she is a hack by default.

Alex Castellanos: Former Romney advisor, clearly he’s still on Romney’s payroll and Romney paid him $100 every time he marked his scorecard (he gave McCain a point while he and Obama were taking the stage!?!)

Bill Bennett: Republican Strategist. He gave McCain a victory on points halfway through and then stopped scoring. Most likely, he got bored and went out for a second dinner (actually, not a bad choice).

Gloria Borger: CNN No Bias No Bull Representative, said Obama won on points. She hilariously refrained from marking any points for the first 30 minutes of the debate, by far the most entertaining part of the night.

John King: CNN No Bias No Bull Rep, Respected and Distinguished MSM Correspondent (1 of 5 nationwide). I was waiting for him come out with his Giant Google Map and show us which counties thought Obama won the debate.

I have nothing to report on post-debate spin because my friends and I drank every time Castellanos marked his scorecard. I don’t remember anything after the debate except that Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade holds up surprisingly well on a second viewing. Commenters, feel free to elaborate on this (the post-debate coverage or Indiana Jones).