GOP Candidates Take Values Quiz

Rick Perry
Score: N/A
“I don’t take quizzes. That’s for pansies.”

Mitt Romney
Score: 100%
He cheated. “I did well because I love America so much.” Nope, definitely cheated.

Michele Bachmann
Score: 120%
She made up and answered her own extra credit questions on the tests. “Are there retakes? I could do better.”

Ron Paul
Score: N/A
Automatic disqualification for supporting legalization of heroin. “The American people should be grading the test themselves. The scorers are corrupt.” Probably true.

Newt Gingrich
Score: N/A
He devised his own test, gave himself an A, and then accused Romney of cheating.

Jon Huntsman
Score: F
“I would have scored well if the test were graded by independents.”

Herman Cain
Score: N/A
Scorers disqualified Cain, mistaking him for McCain. He met them in face-to-face to clear up the confusion, but was then mistaken for Obama.

Rick Santorum
Score: C
Answered each question with a diatribe against gay marriage. Damn, he still got C!

Sarah Palin
Score: N/A
She did not take the test, but drove up in her bus outside the test for a 2-hour speech, spoke for 15 minutes about how George Washington always said tests were for Communists, and then left early.