Opt Out of America

Many people argue tirelessly that the federal government is the problem, not the solution. The question is, do any of them mean it? Conservatives have lamented the Obama administration's excessive spending and regulating, some going as far as bringing up secession.

I think it's time we called their bluff! Let them secede! The fact is none of these states have the balls to secede, and Texas and Florida are the only states that have a prayer of surviving on their own. Red States survive because they are highly subsidized primarily by the Blue States and by big cities, which tend to be more liberal. Basically, for all their complaining about welfare, most of Red America is leeching off a giant welfare system. If they don't like federal spending, let's see how long they can survive without federal subsidies. I bet they come crawlin' back real fast!

As we ask ourselves which corporations are too big to fail, we should ask, is the United States of America too big to succeed? Did the Health Care Fiasco of 2009, with all those town halls and protests and Tea Parties, prove that Democracy doesn't work for a country of 300 million? Can we agree on anything? There's sort of agreement that the Obama has been a disappointment, but why? (hint: ridiculous expectations) Some say he's catering to the liberal base and changing things too much. Some say he sold out his base and is too conservative. Some say he's a weak, naive dreamer. Some say he's just another corrupt Chicago politician. Our nation encompasses so many viewpoints, regions, climates, and demographics. We have people from thousands of miles away telling New Yorkers where they should build a mosque.

What holds us together? In the wake of the Civil War, we were sharply divided, North and South. Now, we're fragmented, divided in muliple ways on a multitude of issues. What do New York and Texas have in common? Florida and Washington (DC or State)? Really, the only thing similarity is that the British wanted all this land for themselves.

Many people say that what makes America great is our diversity. Not just the Black History Month kind of diversity. Also, that we have the "Left Coast," the Libertarian West, Texas, the Midwest, The Deep South, and the East Coast all in one country. That we have Gun Nuts and Soccer Moms, Hippies and Socialites, Keith Olbermann and Glenn Beck, John Stewart and Dr Phil (well, maybe not Dr. Phil). And I agree. This is part of what makes this country so great. It's like the Beatles. They were great because they had John Lennon and Paul McCartney, two great musicians with very different approaches. John thought Paul was pretentious, Paul thought John was a hippie, but they made it work, and they were one of the greatest groups of their time.

It's worth noting that the Beatles broke up after 10 years. Other bands lasted much longer, but should have broken up sooner (see Led Zeppelin; U2; Weezer). It's pretty amazing that the Beatles lasted 10 years. The same goes for the USA. Maybe it's time to break up. We have discussed whether states would be able to opt out of health care reforms. They should be able to opt out of America!

Let some states do those solo projects they wanted to do, like that Free Market Paradise, where the government is small enough to drown in a bathtub (it'll flop, I guarantee it!). Then we can have a reunion tour in a couple decades, when states are bankrupt or recovering from drug problems, assuming that none of them ends up like John Lennon.

License to Spill

PMW received this statement from Tony Heyward and BP, with apologies to the Beastie Boys.

Now, here’s a little story I got to tell
About a big corporation you know too well
It started way back in history
With Barack, Sarah Palin, and us, BP

Sarah said...it’s time to drill baby drill
Barack hesitated, but said yes we will
Drilling in the soil, getting lots of oil
Till we sprung a leak and caused lots of turmoil

Our name is BP, we got a license to drill
I think you know what time is, it’s time to stop the spill
Now what do we have here? America shouldn’t fear
We’ll clean this land, you understand. We’ve made ourselves clear

So we tried the top hat, we tried the hot tap
We tried the junk shot and a huge dome cap
We even tried a system that was called top kill
But no matter what we did, oil continued to spill

We were in a tough boat, the GOP began to gloat
And right about now we need Obama to emote
The King Barack; that is my name
And I know you’re all mad but I won’t take the blame

Sarah Palin said, you know, this only goes to prove
We gotta drill on land, where it’s easier to move
She says, this is bad, the outlook ain’t sunny
But I’m writing a new book and I’m about to get money

We at BP know we’ve lost some respect
But to keep making profits is what we expect

Sarah got the money, Barack’s down in the polls
We’re facing many criminal charges, that’s cold