Monday, September 14, 2009

GRAND OLD POUTERS: The Path to Failure

The Republicans have become the party of Kanye West and Serena Williams. Two of the biggest stories in our beloved mainstream media this week have been Serena Williams’s tirade against a line judge and Kanye West interrupting the VMAs to tell poor Taylor Swift that she did not deserve a completely worthless award (I mean MTV doesn’t even show music videos anymore, so why should their awards mean anything???)

But both these stories are perfect symbols of the Republican Party at this time. They also interrupted Obama during a speech and have been whining about the health care reform process. Obama and the Democrats are suffering, but that has more to do with the fact that the opposition during a recession doesn’t really have to do anything except bitch about those in power. It is not as if the GOP has offered people a compelling alternative on health care or any of today’s big issues.

Jason Whitlock recently wrote a great article for Fox Sports called “Serena’s a whiner, Jordan’s a winner,” basing their differences on reaction to adversity. No matter what happened to him throughout his career, Jordan simply got better and better and proved he was the best, rather than whining like Serena. If you don’t like the call, play harder, don’t whine louder.

The GOP lost badly in the last midterms and the presidential election. They need to get over it. America voted for the Democrats, so now the Democrats get to govern. This is exactly what the GOP said during the Bush years. America elected Barack Obama president and they elected big majorities to both houses, like it or not. The Republicans have to accept that they’re not going to get their way this year or next year. If they don’t like it, they had better take back congress in 2010 or beat Obama in 2012. They need to be like Mike, not Serena.

The Republicans have also been reduced to childish antics such as Joe Wilson’s interrupting the president to call him a liar. I’m sorry, but I don’t think Obama is a liar. More importantly, I doubt the GOP’s “Liar, Liar Pants on Fire” campaign will work, even if Sarah Palin is running it.


I don’t know what strategy would work for the GOP, but they should start by acting like grown-ups. Learning to raise their hands and wait their turn to speak would be nice. And, to paraphrase Bambi, “If you don’t have anything intelligent to say, don’t say anything at all.” Learn these childhood lessons, Republicans, and then come back to the grown-up’s table and talk to us.

We need an adult conversation about health care, not pictures of Obama with a Hitler mustache (a pathetic twist on juvenile behavior). But the Republicans don’t want that. All they want is to stall and obstruct the Democrats (Remember how the Democrats did that a few years ago, and the GOP said was disgraceful?).

The mainstream media wants something even worse. They want what they always want: an epic, bare-knuckle, no-holds-bar, hyphenate-filled, Steel Cage Match. A Battle Royale between Socialists and Reactionaries. They want to see the Party of No and the Party of D’oh play a childish game of hot potato with the future of our country. Their medical bills are skyrocketing too, and they gotta raise money to pay ‘em with catchy quotes and record-high ratings. They need viewers and they’re not about to put everyone to sleep with lectures on insurance exchanges or cost curves.

The only way the public will get an informative report on health care is if the Federal Commission of T-Pain deploys those crazy kids to auto-tune it for us. Help us, angry gorilla! You’re our only hope.