America is Royally Screwed!

The problem with American politics is that it involves policy as well as pomp and circumstance. In the 2000 election, I would have voted for Gore (if I was 18), but if you had asked me who I would rather have had a beer with (if I was 18--I mean 21), I would have said Bush, as many people did. I honestly don’t think Bush beat Gore because of policy positions. People like George W. Bush win elections because, deep down, America's ideal president is a guy with a cowboy hat, twin pistols, a big belt buckle, and a giant SUV from the reddest depths of Red America who establishes the kind of center-left policies overwhelming associated with Democrats from Blue America. Sadly, the Blue Staters pushing these policies tend to be too nerdy or too urban or not pretty enough. So we end up electing the Red State Cowboy, and we get the right figurehead, but the wrong policies.

Obama is sort of an exception. He has the charisma to impress most Americans and the press loves brooding over what his wife’s wearing or what his daughters are doing. He’s the “Celebrity President.” But lately he is having trouble balancing his status as hip figurehead with his role as leftish policy wonk. Obama goes to speak at schools or stump for the Olympics, and some people like to have the president do such things, but others criticize him for “politicizing the Olympic bid” or “indoctrinating students.” We need to separate these two roles, figurehead and policy wonk. We need to separate policies from personality.

America needs a king! Just think, Obama could make his nice speeches and go out to dinner with Michelle and have no problems. No more accusations that he's politicizing anything. He's the king! That's just what he does.

For years, I mocked the British for their obsession with their royalty, for even having royalty, but now I see the error of my ways. America is no different. We need that outlet for celebrity obsession, and apparently Hollywood is not satisfying our needs. The Brits got it right. All this time we've been trying to combine Prince William and Tony Blair into a single figure. What fools we've been! Bring back monarchy! America needs a meaningless figurehead (before the president becomes one).

Idea based on comments made by Matt Yglesias

***UPDATE

So, Friday, Obama won the Nobel Prize. Another case where as king, this would have been awesome, but as President, this is a political fiasco.