WHY CAN’T IT HAPPEN? CULTURE WARS END IN COMPROMISE

What we have here, AS USUAL, is a failure to communicate. But it's really bad this time. The culture wars are coming back and I fear they'll be worse than ever.

- The Waco Kid, previous post

Yes, here come the culture wars again. Here come ugly, nasty debates. The Amoral, Naïve Liberals vs. the Intolerant, Holier-Than-Thou Conservatives. These are issues that polarize America, that get people out in the street marching, and mostly importantly, make lots of money for political candidates.


So, I’m fed up. I want these issues to go away. They suck. So, here is my modest proposal to end the culture wars in America, so we can go back to the good old days when Obama was called an Atheist, Socialist Elitist rather than a Muslim Spy.

LET’S START WITH GAY MARRIAGE. Face it, people. Gay marriage is happening. Older folks are much more likely to be against it, so here's the deal. We're going to legalize gay marriage, but we're phasing it in slowly.

For Blue States, gay marriage will take affect in 8 years. For Swing States, 10 years. Red States, 12 years. States can ban gay marriage before then, but all bans expire at the deadline. That way, far fewer of you old folks will have to endure it and we can move on and stop debating this issue.

Also, we’re starting with Lesbian Marriage. A recent Political Mouthwash/Deadwood Pioneer poll shows that while only 50% of the country supports gay marriage, 70% support Lesbian Marriage. 80% of males opposing gay marriage in this poll agreed with the following statement: “When I said I opposed gay marriage, I was thinking of two dudes, and now that I think about it, two chicks getting married sounds hot.” This will help people warm up to the idea of gay marriage.

This plan has been approved by the Supreme Court. The Scalito Four predictably voted against it. Justice Breyer and the Liberal Ladies obviously voted for it. The plan was ruled grrrreat by "Tony the Tie Breaker" (aka Anthony Kennedy), giving it 5-4 victory.

So, gay marriage? Solved. Ground Zero Muslim Center? Immigration? Abortion? I'll get back to you...

I Quit

Am I leaving this blog? No. Not yet. This blog is may be on its last legs. I'm hoping that midterm elections inspire me to write a little, then the Grand Old Primary will begin immediately, and that could destroy my writer's block. Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Good n' Pawlenty, and Mitt from the Mitt all ripping each other to shreds for the opportunity to finish the job Old Man McCain couldn't and then take on the hardest job ever.

But right now, nothing is funny. It's all super-charged, pissy, joyless bickering. A large portion of the public is offended by the building of a mosque at Ground Zero. Remember the people who said the government's recent efforts to provide people with health care or other necessities of life were a gross infringement on our freedom? They are now demanding that the government meddle in affairs regarding private property to prevent a religious group from worshipping anywhere it wants.

That's the punchline. That's it. There's nothing funny about this. People are upset and have decided the wounds of 9/11 have overpowered their will to think rationally. This is irrational, plain and simple. Everyone's entitled to their opinions, but that doesn't mean they are logical. So the anti-Mosque folks say this is too painful for 9/11 families to endure and maybe an Islamic takeover. The pro-Mosque crowd says the anti-Mosque-itos are racists. I don't have the energy to process this anymore. Have we deteriorated to a level of dumb beasts? Is there no communication is this country?

What we have here, AS USUAL, is a failure to communicate. But it's really bad this time. The culture wars are coming back and I fear they'll be worse than ever. Already, this country is broke, many more than usual are out of work, there's no end in sight, and there's no consenus on a single policy that could help. Yet, these cultural issues are coming back already.

In addition to this mosque uproar, now illegal immigration is coming to the forefront. The job market is so bad that fewer and fewer illegals can even come here, yet somehow this issue is gaining traction again. It's another issue that devolves into yelling and name-calling. If you wanna deport all the illegals, you're a racist. If you don't, you're a naive fool who doesn't care about national security or law enforcement.

These are loaded issues where civil, productive discussion is difficult. With Mr. Post-Partisan, Let's Just Have a Beer and Tone it Down a Notch as president, if HE can't get us to chill out, no one can and it'll only be a matter of time before there's full-blown civil war.

There I go sensationalizing. That rant could well land me a job in the Mainstream Media. I'm sorry, I just care about my country's ability to have civil debates, and I fear for it. I'm gonna go turn on Glenn Beck and cry with him.