Good evening and welcome to Countdown. I’m Keith Olbermann. I am liberal and proud of it. I am also intelligent and well-educated, and slightly too proud of that. My first guest is a fellow intelligent liberal and we shall discuss how right we are about an issue and how wrong the Republicans are. There will be some real news, but we shall try to limit that.
Next, we shall discuss celebrity tabloid news. Hopefully, we will cover Paris Hilton tonight, as she is an easy person of which to make fun. This is beneath me, but it ensures higher ratings so that I can maintain this sweet gig. Now, back to the real news.
Coming up next: I am going to announce which right-wing asshole is currently enraging me the most. Could it be Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly? I could report on more real news, but admit it: it is so very fun to watch me roast these assholes. Also, you will not want to miss my Special Comment. Will I remain calm and make some good points? Or will I go on a ridiculous tirade and end up as fodder for the Daily Show? Find out later.
We’re back. I pick Bill O’LIE-ly from Fox Boos as today's biggest asshole, for the 687th time. I hope I have convinced you that he is a jerk.
Our top story tonight: Political Mouthwash blogger The Waco Kid, famed for his bad puns and low readership, has been referring to me as Reverend Olbermann, because my show is “little more than self-indulgent preaching to the liberal choir.” He offered me faux praise, saying my show “sucks less than most news shows.” I figured I would read that on my show so that more than two people might actually hear about it. I am quite pleased with that insult, lest you cannot tell from my smug grin.
That’s Countdown, on this, the 2,519th day since the “liberal” Mainstream Media actually let an openly liberal anchor have his own show. To all those searching for high quality news: good night and good luck.
Next, we shall discuss celebrity tabloid news. Hopefully, we will cover Paris Hilton tonight, as she is an easy person of which to make fun. This is beneath me, but it ensures higher ratings so that I can maintain this sweet gig. Now, back to the real news.
Coming up next: I am going to announce which right-wing asshole is currently enraging me the most. Could it be Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly? I could report on more real news, but admit it: it is so very fun to watch me roast these assholes. Also, you will not want to miss my Special Comment. Will I remain calm and make some good points? Or will I go on a ridiculous tirade and end up as fodder for the Daily Show? Find out later.
We’re back. I pick Bill O’LIE-ly from Fox Boos as today's biggest asshole, for the 687th time. I hope I have convinced you that he is a jerk.
Our top story tonight: Political Mouthwash blogger The Waco Kid, famed for his bad puns and low readership, has been referring to me as Reverend Olbermann, because my show is “little more than self-indulgent preaching to the liberal choir.” He offered me faux praise, saying my show “sucks less than most news shows.” I figured I would read that on my show so that more than two people might actually hear about it. I am quite pleased with that insult, lest you cannot tell from my smug grin.
That’s Countdown, on this, the 2,519th day since the “liberal” Mainstream Media actually let an openly liberal anchor have his own show. To all those searching for high quality news: good night and good luck.
