Obama vs. Dobson: Standoff of Biblical Proportions

Last week, James Dobson (leader of the most conservative Christians) and Barack Obama (leader of the least stupid Democrats) have been sniping at each other over the Bible. Obama suggested that some issues not central to the Christian Right’s talking points are crucial to the Bible’s message. Dobson said Obama’s an idiot with “fruitcake” ideas, marking the first time in 50 years that someone used the term “fruitcake” in a serious conservation.

The Bible is not some open book with multiple interpretations. There is only one and James Dobson knows what it is. Everyone knows the Bible is against gay people, abortion, divorce, premarital sex, and you know…all the other stuff…and that’s pretty much it. Obama tries to act like hunger and poverty should be key issues, but they don’t really come up in the Bible (except in Luke 1:53, Isaiah 58:10, Luke 18:22, James 2:15-17, Mark 10:25, Exodus 23:6, and Job 29:12, but I’m sure that’s it).

Clearly, Obama did not read or misread the part about how it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. The point is: they still make it to heaven because rich people can do anything! You can’t stop them! So clearly, it’s a metaphor for achieving the impossible and a challenge to the poor. That’s the meaning of the story. Let there be no other interpretations.

In other news, The Waco Kid is celebrating his birthday this week. (A week is necessary to give people more time to be included in the ceremonies). For those unable to attend, he still appreciates their birthday wishes, but hopes they have a good excuse for missing out on the fun.