On March 9, 2009, Chuck Norris blogged
This man is our only hope. We’ll have to pardon him from his torture charges (isn’t that what’s happening on the show? After years of awesomeness, I finally lost interest). The scary part is the way this has already occurred in internet lore. I thought those Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris webpages were just hilarious nonsense. Apparently, they predicted the next great battle of our time. It will not be Obama v. Palin or Santelli v. Stewart or Wolverine v. Sabertooth, NO!
Get me Jack Bauer! Get his ass over here, now. It’s time to plan for war. One American hero against another. But give him a ride, please, just in case. The man has a drinking problem and he doesn’t need a third strike on his record.
“On Glenn Beck's radio show last week, I quipped in response to our wayward federal government, ‘I may run for president of Texas.’
That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.
From the East Coast to the "Left Coast," America seems to be moving further and further from its founders' vision and government.”
I sincerely hope this speech was intended for the Bush administration, but somehow got delayed. Norris proceeds to quote the founding fathers in attempts to paint Obama’s stimulus plan and then hints that a second American revolution should be considered.
“I'm not saying that other states won't muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it. As most know, Texas was its own country before it joined the Union as its 28th state. From 1836 to 1846, Texas was its own Republic.”
This is a serious problem. Chuck Norris, as everyone knows, is a black belt. He’s Walker Texas Ranger! That wasn’t trick photography. He’s a badass. He kicks people’s asses just for fun. You can’t mess with this man. He could certainly kick my ass.
To stop Obama from turning America into a defenseless Commie Share Camp, Chuck Norris will command an entire army and they will rise against the forces of…bailouts or taxes or something. They’re all buying guns, too, at record rates. They think Obama will ban all guns, apparently. Norris and his army will start a revolution and he will take back his country. NO ONE CAN STOP THIS MAN! NOT A SINGLE HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET! Except…
This man is our only hope. We’ll have to pardon him from his torture charges (isn’t that what’s happening on the show? After years of awesomeness, I finally lost interest). The scary part is the way this has already occurred in internet lore. I thought those Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris webpages were just hilarious nonsense. Apparently, they predicted the next great battle of our time. It will not be Obama v. Palin or Santelli v. Stewart or Wolverine v. Sabertooth, NO!
Get me Jack Bauer! Get his ass over here, now. It’s time to plan for war. One American hero against another. But give him a ride, please, just in case. The man has a drinking problem and he doesn’t need a third strike on his record.
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