As we reach the end of the road in the 2008 Presidential Election, Obama has been crowned the victor. But most of us are on political overload at this point. Almost like LSD overdose, "you took too much man, too much." Hunter S Thompson might have summed up the Republican experience best. I changed the context of the quote to apply to the election rather than acid.
"The [Election] had shifted gears on [Them]. The next phase would probably be one of those hellishly intense introspective nightmares, followed by four [years] or so of catatonic despair."
-Dr. Hunter S Thompson
Let's get to it shall we? Begin the introspective nightmare! Why did it happen? Why was McCain a Loser?
REASON 1: He's a Fucking Cripple!
In this journalist/blogger's opinion what was the SOLE deciding factor in an Obama victory? Better policy, speaking ability, intelligence level, campaigner? None of the above! On November Fourth, America stood up and resoundingly told John McCain if you can't lift your arms above your shoulders, you shouldn't be president"We will not go into that good night, with a man who will only be limited to low-fives for the rest of his presidency!"
- America
Let's also give credit where it is due. McCain didn't lose due to his own incompetence and negligence alone. Obama brought to bare the most powerful ground game in an Election history. Just to give you some idea of the spectacle that was "The Obama-non ground game". Here is some real time footage of the campaign in action!
Things to watch for in this video:
1) Amazing organization skills: watch the Obama team "step in time"
2) Uniting of classes: Whether it be the rich woman in red or the lowly chimney sweeps everybody takes part.
3) Dodging the low blows from the old man: When McCain fires off shots from across the rooftops the Obama camp instinctively takes cover and quickly counter-punches.
4) Protecting the youth vote: The youth vote is vital to the Obama camp.
5) The old white people fear but eventually come to love the Obama campaign
6) Hillary Clinton makes an appearance in the very end with a "Votes for Women" sash. She proudly sacrifices her own presidential bid to march alongside the Obama supporters. Well done.
REASON 3: Sarah Palin is Probably Retarded...
I'm not sure how many people have been following this but in the most recent news, McCain staffers have acknowledged that Palin didn't know Africa was a continent, rather then just one big country and she couldn't name all the countries in North America. So I Actually think this is a legitimate claim. I know a lot of people are going to bitch and wine and say "Goofers...that's soooo un-PC of you." But i think she seriously has a mental disability. One of her kids has down syndrome for starters. I'm not sure if it's "Twix" or "Spatula" or whatever her fucking kids names are, it's one of them. Anyways, she probably passed it on to them. And, wait, seriously. Look at her kids names, could you imagine what's going to happen when she ends up in congress.
"Ok the house minority leader will now introduce Sarah Palin's new bill ....H.R. 100447 the Ok yeah Twix trig you betcha, go Alaska bill" (<-- dramatic interpretation) I leave you with this proof. But i warn it's quite painful to watch.
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