PMW NEWS FLASH: MSM Still Worthless and Confused

The MSM (previously Mostly Shitty Media, hereafter Mainly Schizo Media) clearly has no clue what’s going on in this election. One week, they tout a poll where Obama and McCain are in a dead heat. The next week, Obama’s up by double digits. Obviously, this makes for a great story, but come on! A single poll means nothing. So, let me predict the outcome of the election. I can do it better than any of those clowns (with few exceptions, and sorry, Krugman, you’re on probation, even with your Nobel).

Obama will win. It will be a bloodbath (think Saw VIII, or maybe Saw ’08). McCain will go home and take a well-deserved nap (lucky bastard). Obama will saunter into the White House victorious (although he’ll be sauntering into a shitstorm). Ludacris will write a song about how awesome it is. Kid Rock will tell Access Hollywood it’s a shame.

Maybe conservatives will emulate whiny liberals and threaten to move to…somewhere with no taxes (if they can stomach Spanish)…or maybe somewhere that’s ultra-conservative (Iran, North Korea, Russia?). Or maybe they’ll just all go to Alabama and lobby for more state’s rights. That could make for good legal trades between red and blue states! (We’ll give you abortion bans if you give us gay marriage. We’ll give you assault weapons, but we’re not paying for the federal subsidies you get anymore).

I don’t know what will happen, I hope I didn't jinx it, and I’m sure you learned nothing from this post, but dammit if I couldn’t do this for a living.