Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Thrillabuster! GOP Gains 41 Percent Majority

On Tuesday, the Republicans gained their coveted 41st seat to attain the plurality they were searching for. Facing a divided Democratic party (some fire-breathing liberals, some cowering liberals, a few Blue Dogs), the Republican obstructionist coalition now holds the most votes. This is a huge blow to President Obama, who is watching the bill he has vigorously defended with speeches and soundbytes slip away.

America has spoken and they have demanded that the Democrats adopt a more bi-partisan approach. This means they must move beyond compromise to discover a new way forward. This could include letting the Republicans write all legislation, yielding all debate time to the GOP, or even filibusters where the Democrats stand up and apologize for all the bad bills they have passed.

“We are so sorry,” said Sen. Max Baucus, a major player in the health care debate. “If we had known you would break our filibuster-proof majority, we would have taken health care off the table long ago.”

“The people of Massachusetts should be ashamed of themselves,” yelled Speaker Pelosi. "Their pathetic stupidity has destroyed our 60-vote crutch and all hope that we would enact any part of our agenda. Now we have to wait until we regain our supermajority before we can pass any bill."

“I really don’t care,” remarked fatalistic Super-Minority Leader Harry Reid. “I may lose my seat, too. At this point, a dark-skinned African American with a negro dialect could probably beat me.”

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