PETA: Perpetually Egregiously Terribly Asinine

Someone please tell me: When your cause is to protect cute, fuzzy animals, how can you alienate so many people? (And let’s not forgot PETA’s smokin’ hot ads) I was watching The Colbert Report on Thursday, and he had Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA, on the show (nice to see a female president not named Hillary). Now, I was very interested to hear what she had to say because I have heard many bad things about PETA.

This surprised me because I am a very passionate supporter of animal rights. I grew up with dogs and if anyone mistreated my dogs I would rip out their heart and feed it to them. Now, I firmly believe that animals should be treated very nicely from the moment they are born until the moment you cook them. I don’t like these factories where they treat animals badly, but what’s wrong with letting them live happy lives and then making good use of them afterwards? It would be terrible to waste all that delicious meat. If I tasted good, I would want to be eaten when I die.


So with that in mind, I watched the PETA lady. She immediately set me off with her statement, “We should all be vegetarian.” Excuse me? That’s the worst thing I have ever heard. Now, I know vegetarians. They’re good people, the ones that don’t preach to you anyway. I think if you’re vegetarian, that’s wonderful. Good for you. You’re missing out on so much wonderful food, but that’s you choice. What’s important isn’t whether or not you eat meat. It’s that you make that choice and then shut the hell up about it! So, I think it’s asinine for someone to tell me I should not eat meat.

She continued by saying they have proven meat is bad for you. Really? Because I have eaten meat my entire life and the doctor has always said I am very healthy. This is the case for millions of people. Now, surely lots of people eat too much meat, and that’s bad for you. Well, guess what? You know what else is bad for you when eat too much of it? EVERYTHING! I really don’t think in 100 years, we will look and back say, can you believe all those people who used to eat meat? What an egregious thing to do!

So I will perpetually stand by beliefs. We must treat animals well from birth until death and then, if they taste good, we can eat them. Unless you’re talking about eggs, in which case you eat them before they’re born, which is good because then you don’t have to kill them and it avoids an ethical dilemma! (Although, to paraphrase George Carlin, does an omelet count as an abortion?)