Debate III: Snoozefest II

If you’re an Undecided Voter, I have to say, I’m sorry because I don’t know if this debate helped you at all. (I also have to say…really? The choice isn’t clear? This isn’t Hillary-Obama. They barely agree on anything!) Nothing new came up tonight. Here is a truncated transcript of the debate.


John McCain: My friends, Barack Obama is naïve about foreign policy.

Barack Obama: You said we’d be greeted as liberators. I couldn’t be that naïve if I tried.

McCain: He’ll raise your taxes.

Obama: Only for the wealthiest 5%.

McCain: That includes small businesses, my friends.

Obama: Only 5% of businesses.

McCain: Well you still suck. [Insert lame joke here]

Obama [Fake laugh]

McCain: You want to bomb Pakistan. How dumb!

Obama: Only if they can’t or won’t give us bin Laden. You sang Bomb, Bomb Iran!

McCain: I was just kidding! I’m so funny. [Ridiculous grin]

Obama: [Professorial brow furrow] Yeah I need to start telling jokes like you. They’re not funny, but people think you’re more laid back and have a better sense of humor.

McCain: It’s true my friends. Heh, heh, heh. But you’re still up in the polls. It’s not fair, I’m the Maverick. You never question your party.

Obama: My party’s had much less time in power and we haven’t done anything as damaging as yours in the last eight years.

McCain: Well, you’ll win in a few weeks and then they will.

Obama: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’ve only won this debate.

McCain: Yeah, but it’s not a debate. Nobody won. We just wasted 90 minutes of America’s time sniping at each other.

Obama: Fuck…

Tom Brokaw: I’m going to whine at you for taking too much time, even though I never bothered to cut you off. This job is sweet. I don’t have to do anything. Well, undecided ladies and gentleman, I hope they gave you the sound bites you need to make your choice.