Wednesday, April 9, 2008

General Delay Us


You certainly cannot count on the media to report on the Petraeus testimony. The MSM’s job can be done by a 3-year-old. Real analysis sometimes pops up, but rarely. So allow PMW to give you the rundown.

This week, General David “Betray Us” was back in Washington (unfortunately, MoveOn.org was not prepared with fresh slander against him, leaving the media with little idea of what to report on). He was there with his sidekick, Ambassador Betty “Ryan” Crocker. It seems like the administration has, through some clerical error, placed two people who sort of know what’s going on in key positions, although they didn’t give any huge answers to the Foreign Relations Committee. The main story was General Petraeus’s request for 45-Day Evaluation Period. All fighting will stop and everyone will fill out questionnaires.

Iraq War Surge Evaluation Questionnaire
My role in the war is…
c US Soldier
c Sunni Soldier
c Shi’a Soldier
c Kurdish Soldier
c Innocent Bystander
c Al Qaeda
c Aiding the enemy by advocating withdrawal

Please rate the results of the surge in your area
c Conditions are less horrendous
c Conditions are equally horrendous
c Conditions are more horrendous
c I have been in the hospital/Not Sure

As a commander/ally/opponent, Gen. Petraeus has…
c Exceeded Expectations
c Met Expectations
c Failed to Meet Expectations

I believe US forces should
c Remain in Iraq
c Be Increased
c Surrender
c Attack Iran Instead
c Are Damned if They Do and Damned if They Don’t

Overall, this survey…
c Was Unnecessary
c Confirmed the Obvious
c Will Not Influence US Policy
c Bought Bush Some Time



Well, good thinking, General. He is basically calling time out, like when the referees aren't paying attention and need to discuss what the call should be. However, in this case, it’s more like when the TV networks make the refs call time out for some commercials.

“We interrupt this war for a word from our sponsors. Man, the economy is bad. But what if I said you have won $600. That’s right, Uncle Sam understands these are tough times and he has some cash for you. Go buy yourself something pretty. Don’t spend it on something immoral and unpatriotic like drugs or credit card debt. Back to you, Chairman Biden.”

So back in the Committee hearings, Petraeus says things are better, but we still don’t know when we will able to leave. It’s not Petraeus’s fault, but did we need a committee hearing to learn that things are unpredictable and uncertain? Meanwhile McCain is going on about how we’ll stay there for years and years, somehow finding troops, supplies, and money for that without raising taxes, lowering standards, or having a draft. Senator Dole—I mean McCain—insisted that things could still improve dramatically, which is…I mean…He basically thinks, to paraphrase Ross Perot (as played by Dana Carvey), that he can pee into a Mr. Coffee and get Taster’s Choice. Although at his age, McCain would be lucky to make it to the Mr. Coffee in time.

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