PART1. A Unique History Lesson:
IRAQ, it's really a very painful part of America's past and present. Iraq has been a sensitive topic for Americans ever since the critically acclaimed Gulf War I. When a broad U.N. backed coalition raised a massive Army to crush the well equiped and highly unmotivated Iraqi Army. "Those were the days" according to some, when America was shinning bright and beautiful. We were backed by a true multi-lateral alliance, with the wind in our hair and a gleam in our collective eyes. The President was not necessarily great or even good, but he was reasonable (at the time, reasonable was something taken for granted). In the end, our glory was manifested by annihilating a 25 mile column of tanks and soldiers attempting to surrender and/or retreat(depending on who you believe). While this was a glorious victory for America there was always one unfortunate problem, Saddam Hussein was never ousted.
Fast forward to 2003, in the wake of 9/11 and our leaders really haven't been able to make ANY successful attempt to find those responsible who killed 3,000 American's at the world trade center. We're still fighting a war with Iraq and things aren't looking great. A.D.D. America isn't necessarily a reference to our citizens but also the wild and irrational choices of our leaders.
The whole process went something like this:
1) WTC (aka the double buildings) got blowed' up
2) Go to Afghanistan to kill Osama Bin Laden + Taliban (aka people responsible)
3) Seek council of Travis Stevens, a freshman from CAL (pictured below)
4) Attack Iraq!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok ok...so it didn't go EXACTLY like that. But do you really want to know the harsh reality of what our leaders were thinking? It would be impossible to know exactly what the Bush people had running through their twisted heads but it definately didn't make a whole lot of sense. Our best answer from him "after 9/11 things changed". This supposedly meaning that we would no longer tolerate other countries holding potential stockpiles of weapons to be used against us. A rational form of reasoning on first inspection, but think about it. Did terrorists use atom bombs to blow up the WTC? Did they use ricin gas to annihilate the western wall of the pentagon? There terrorists in their simplistically brilliant wisdom used the one weapon that we'd never see coming! Of course the solution would be to make a direct about-face and mobilize all troops to the center of the country providing these awful weapons to terrorists! A shock and awe campgaign killing off a quick 6,000 civilians would probably do the trick. So what are these diabolical weapons? Who makes them? And what country do we get to bomb next???
WEAPON: UTILITY KNIFE
DISTRIBUTER: THE HOME DEPOT
LOCATION: Vinings, Georgia, USA
NOTES: While headquartered in georgia, "the home depot" is known to run 1,000s of sleeper cells across the United States and Canada. In fact, The Home Depot is playing so fast and loose with it's massive quality of highly dangerous utility knives it's stockpiles are overflowing - observe!
There you have it. It was a simple error, anybody could have made it. WMD's were not the issue, it was those damn box cutters. Now convincing the President to bomb Georgia might not be as wild of an idea as one might think. Technically he's already done it with New Orleans, by proxy....
PART2. Boots on the Ground
The sad fact is, that my own brilliant plan to bomb the south is slightly overshadowed by the American occupation that is already taking place in war-torn Iraq. The country itself is in shambles, nearly 85,000 civilians have been killed in total. Iraq itself is exhibiting all the telltale signs of instability: death squads, bombings, insurgency, you name it. While the troop surge that was recently touted may have helped American soldiers protect other American soldiers, death rates among iraqi civilians is still "walking" (a statistical term usually used for exchange rates...but now we're talking about bodies) at the same level it always has.
Of course a lot of the reporting we've been seeing from MSM and the President Himself tout serious changes in Iraq thanks to the recent troop surge. After watching a good four hours of Fox News and MSNBC (they touched on Iraq for all of 5 minutes) I came to believe the situation in Iraq looked something the picture below.
Normally the dispondent father pushing his gravely injured son (injured in an insurgent mortar attack) would make me feel terrible about how the US led occupation has caused the injuries and deaths of so many innocent civilians. But this troop surge really seems to be doing the trick!
Thanks again MSM & President Bush for keeping my spirits up!
War's going A-okay :D
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