Get out the Geezer Vote, Barack!

The senior vote is always a winner, especially as the baby boom generation reaches its senior years. Seniors always vote and they pretty much have to. They have to manage their medical plans, they usually have money to protect, death stalks them at every turn, and they worry about their kids or grandchildren (or even themselves if the time is approaching for them to move into an old folks’ home). They generally have nothing to do and feel a sense of civic duty to vote. Moreover, they get paid to sit in a rocking chair all day and they stay politically involved in order to maintain that scenario. Most of all, they are easily scandalized, so they can easily be drawn to the polls over shocking issues. I mean, no senior has viewed that vile 2girls1cup video without having a heart attack, although only five seniors in the country were tech-savvy enough to find it (I didn’t mean to forward that to you, Uncle Jimmy, I swear).

The youth vote is the epitome of a crapshoot because younger people have stuff to do. They are more likely to miss the vote because of work, sleep, or bar hopping and clubbing at night (or recovering in the morning). They are not paid to sit in a rocking chair (they need money until that wonderful day comes), and they are too apathetic to feel the government has anything to offer them. They also feel like they are immortal, so don’t feel a need to worry about anything. Unlike the elderly, most of them have no kids and their parents can support them in an emergency, and most don’t have to worry about medical bills. Most of all, it is impossible to use a scandal to scare them into voting because nothing shocks them. For example, they’ve all seen the 2girls1cup video and most didn’t even throw up (I almost did).

So Hillary, as the Geezer Candidate, has a huge advantage over Barack because her votes are a sure thing. Obama is left to depend on soon-to-be and current yuppie programmers, hippie activists, and materialistic bimbos. These people would rather be writing in Q-Basic/C sharp/HTML (Hyper…Techies are Majorly Lame…), eating organic vegan soy vegetable extract at a Dennis Kucinich rally, or sitting at home watching Celebrity Cribs and taking vigorous notes. Make a solid appeal to the senior voters, Barack, or start writing your concession speech.