Many people disagree about why the MSM (Mainstream Media, hereafter Mainly Shitty Media) sucks. However, most people agree that it does indeed suck. In the immortal words of Homer, they are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Conservatives have long complained that the media has a liberal bias, citing the its excessive sympathy for underprivileged groups and pundits' awkward cluelessness about religion. Liberals have recently decried a conservative bias in the media, evident in its favoritism of Bush over Gore in 2000 and its early support for the Iraq War.
In actuality, "liberal" and "conservative" are both poor labels for describing the media, but it does, in fact, suffer from a bias toward being absolutely abysmal. Dating back to Reagan, the media has consistently sided with the candidate with the coolest personality in elections, regardless of political party. Obviously Clinton and W were favored over Bush Sr. (everyone’s lovable but out-of-touch grandpa), Dole (everyone’s creepy, cranky, Viagra-fiend grandpa), Gore (everyone’s lecturing, buzz-kill teacher), and Kerry (everyone’s…what the fuck were the Democrats thinking? What a bad choice). The exception was Bush vs. Dukakis, when the press remaining neutral because both were putzes.
On the Iraq War, they simply showed an epic amount of gutlessness, following popular opinion every step of the way. And as far as sympathy for underprivileged groups, they offer little real discussion of policies. They just weave together footage of people whose lives suck in hopes of bringing viewers to tears. Not so they will support social programs, but so that the news can get higher ratings. Worst of all, the media seems incapable of answering basic, crucial questions correctly, such as:
What stories qualify as “news”?
You said…Britney Spears’ parental blunders, Lindsey Lohan’s relentless partying, Sanjaya’s mystique, 24 hour Lacy Peterson coverage, and how Martha Stewart spent her house arrest.
Survey says…[X!] No. I’m sorry. Next question:
What are the policy differences between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama?
You said…Hillary cries when she talks about her policies and her policies are based on experience, while Obama is black when he talks about his policies and they are based on change.
Survey says…[XX!] Ooh, nice try…sort of. Not really. Final question:
When people watch the news, what do they look for?
You said… Mindless, emotionally-charged entertainment that focuses on celebrities, drugs, murders and abductions of pretty white women, controversial statements by people no one cares about, and sex scandals.
What. Does. The Survey Saaaayyyy…[DING DING DING!] Fuck…
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